My cab to the train station came a few minutes early and my dog needed to go out before I left for the day, My dog is big, and very curious, and very friendly. I walked to the side of the van that was picking me up to tell the driver that I needed just a minute to walk the dog and then I would be ready. Before I knew it, my dog popped up to look in the driver's window to say hello. The cab driver was petrified and immediately told me to get my dog away that he was petrified of dogs. I, of course, was already pulling my pup away before he even began to speak. I walked the dog and got in the van. Immediately I apologized to the driver and told him I was sorry that my dog showed bad manners. He went into a story about why he was afraid of dogs and the root of his fears were from one instance when he was a young boy. He said he hated dogs from that moment on and never went near a dog again. I felt badly that he has carried his fear for so long because there are so many wonderful animals that are sweet and endearing and hardly dangerous or threatening - and I know my dog is sweet and harmless, too.
I have my fears, as well. Every week when I go to the doctor I dread the injections - I am not a fan of the needles. After I got home yesterday I was asking my hubby if he remembered getting needles when we were kids. They were kept in a sterilizer (no disposable needles back then) and when the pediatrician walked toward that stainless steel box, I could feel the fear build in my belly and I could barely breathe. I remember crying even before he came near me when I did need a shot. Things today are different - needles are much finer and I barely feel them. But still, I have that moment when I know the needle is getting close to my skin that I feel the fear. (It isn't unusual now for a numbing agent to be included with a med to reduce the pain of the injection. Why couldn't they have that when I was a kid)? Anyway, my needle memory and the taxi driver's dog experience make me think about the fears that we carry with us and what we react to, even though in the moment there is nothing to fear. When I experience an unreasonable amount of fear about something that won't or can't hurt me, I have to ask myself why I am afraid.
It is difficult to let go of our past experiences when we have been hurt. When something bad happens it isn't easy to trust and stay open to the possibility that it won't happen again. I have a choice I can hold onto a sense of dread and let it negatively influence my thinking or I can let it go and make room for good things to happen. Every situation has the potential to be different or better than it's been before. I can choose to approach my life expecting the best or and not let negative past experiences color every experience. I grapple with my share of fears, and lately many of them have been about my heath and my future. Worry and fear go hand in hand and both rob me of inner peace and a sense of well-being. Certainly, there are things I need to pay attention to and things that could cause me harm. But, I don't want to be like that little girl at the doctor's office, quaking in fear, nervous and expecting something bad is going to happen. That's why I need a solid and reasonable plan along with an optimistic focus.
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