There are days that just feel empty. Not in a terrible way, but just not filled with anything special or inspiring and not even anything uninspiring - just grey and boring. The dog seemed to feel the same way and he barely dragged his weary bones from one place to another. I had to take him out for a quick walk and he wasn't even interested in sprinkling a tree or two. He walked slowly by my side, matching my lack of energy. I left work early - I just didn't have anything left to give and even after grabbing a cat nap at the office, I didn't feel much better. The weather was here and there - partly cloudy or partly sunny whichever way you want to look at it. There was a bit of rain, but not enough to call it a rainy day. My hubby came home late from a meeting and I had no motivation to get something together for dinner. I finally settled on making a sandwich at about nine o'clock mostly because I don;t want to wake up hungry in the morning. It was one of those days where I got little to nothing accomplished and I knew from when I crawled out of bed this morning it was going to be one of those days. I pushed through anyway.
The past few weeks have seemed especially hard and I don't know exactly why. The weather is heading in the right direction, although we have had more than our share of rainy days, work is going well and we have exciting projects on the horizon, my family is doing well and is on pretty much of an even keel. I am starting to bore myself with my glum mood and as my daughter would call it - my "Debbie Downer" view of things. I am typically known to be an optimist and I have even annoyed a friend or two with my unrelenting positivity. I think there have been times when I clung to my positive outlook because to see the other side would just throw me way off balance. I believe that keeping a positive outlook promotes healing and a sense of well-being. It also keeps things manageable and I am more likely to feel strong and capable. But truth be told, it is sometimes really difficult to hang on to my positive thoughts and I have periods where I do a slow steady slide into pessimism and negativity.
My reality doesn't change with my perspective. What changes is my ability to make plans and to cope more effectively with what is happening in my life. If I see possibilities I am better able to move forward and focus on solutions and strategies for making things better. If I am positive I feel more energized and empowered. My body is healthier when it isn't pumping stress hormones into my body while I am trying to get well. But I am human and I feel a full range of emotions. I was sharing with my friend last night, that writing is therapeutic and just getting my feelings down in words helps me to examine them and then make a decision about the direction that is best for me to take. What I know helps is to take just one day at a time and not look back and worry about where I've been or to look forward and worry about what may or may not happen. The best strategy for me is to be real about what I am feeling and examine the source of my feelings. I can't control my feelings, but I can surely decide how I want to act upon them. Maybe writing these three paragraphs and getting my feelings down on paper is enough to start me in a different direction. I chose to be empowered and positive - no more Debbie Downer.
The past few weeks have seemed especially hard and I don't know exactly why. The weather is heading in the right direction, although we have had more than our share of rainy days, work is going well and we have exciting projects on the horizon, my family is doing well and is on pretty much of an even keel. I am starting to bore myself with my glum mood and as my daughter would call it - my "Debbie Downer" view of things. I am typically known to be an optimist and I have even annoyed a friend or two with my unrelenting positivity. I think there have been times when I clung to my positive outlook because to see the other side would just throw me way off balance. I believe that keeping a positive outlook promotes healing and a sense of well-being. It also keeps things manageable and I am more likely to feel strong and capable. But truth be told, it is sometimes really difficult to hang on to my positive thoughts and I have periods where I do a slow steady slide into pessimism and negativity.
My reality doesn't change with my perspective. What changes is my ability to make plans and to cope more effectively with what is happening in my life. If I see possibilities I am better able to move forward and focus on solutions and strategies for making things better. If I am positive I feel more energized and empowered. My body is healthier when it isn't pumping stress hormones into my body while I am trying to get well. But I am human and I feel a full range of emotions. I was sharing with my friend last night, that writing is therapeutic and just getting my feelings down in words helps me to examine them and then make a decision about the direction that is best for me to take. What I know helps is to take just one day at a time and not look back and worry about where I've been or to look forward and worry about what may or may not happen. The best strategy for me is to be real about what I am feeling and examine the source of my feelings. I can't control my feelings, but I can surely decide how I want to act upon them. Maybe writing these three paragraphs and getting my feelings down on paper is enough to start me in a different direction. I chose to be empowered and positive - no more Debbie Downer.
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