Something good always, and I do mean always, comes from the toughest times. Here I am in the middle of a health funk and I have to say that I can easily identify lots of good things that have come out of this. I have met people I like and enjoy that I would not have met were it not for the fibro connection, I have become a disciplined writer - I have written my thoughts every single day for well over 250 days - an accomplishment I would not have expected. And something I have tried before, but without this kind of result. I have identified health issues that had gone undiagnosed that were doing me harm and now I am back on track. I have developed new hobbies that match my easier lifestyle and I have embraced a slower and easier pace. I set priorities that do not include wasted time or energy. When I do something, it gets my full attention because I value my effort even more than I used to. Those things are welcomed changes, even though they are not what I had planned for. When something is being taken from me, and I am afraid, my prayer has always been, This, Dear God, or something, better.
When something is taken away, it is not necessarily replaced immediately by something of equal value. In some instances something of greater value appears and other times what has been replaced grows in value over time and can be appreciated in maybe a bit of a different way. We can look back and see that at first it wasn't viewed as something that would enrich or fill our lives, but it took some time for its real value to be revealed. When I am grieving what I have lost, it is because the loss has created a void. There is nothing where something good used to reside. My life is out of balance and I don't see how it can be righted again. But it gets there, minute by minute, day by day, week by week.....I just keep putting one foot in front of the next and I keep my eyes and heart open, seeking new possibilities. My job in this is to remain optimistic and willing to do things differently and to learn new ways to participate fully in my own life.
I feel a tenderness for my past, and for the things that used to fill my life that are not there any more. Many of those things faded away, not because of an illness or some dramatic incident - but because time has a way of reshaping our lives and moving us gently from one phase to the next. I used to do so many things that are no longer part of my life - but I know that I can bring parts of them back to me if I am patient and willing to see things in a different way. I may not be able to hike in the woods, but I can take a walk. I may not be able to work an eight hour day, but I can do six. I might not cook dinner - but I can enjoy the meal prepared by someone else. I may not be able to read as fast as I used to - but I can still enjoy a good book in larger print and at a slower pace. I can still love as much as I always have and I can still stay connected to people I care for. My life is always experiencing something coming in and something going out. I can appreciate the shift and focus on what's good - that's what makes a bad situation grow into a new possibility.
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