This morning my hubby came in to kiss me goodbye and said that I should think of something fun to do this weekend. Since I spent last weekend on the couch, and we barely had a conversation for those two days, I am up for that!. I've been thinking about what I might like to do - a movie and a quick dinner? Maybe the local restaurant that plays music during dinner? Or maybe a drive to the mountains and that pretty little restaurant buried deep in the woods? Maybe we could take a ride down the shore (as we say in NJ) and check out the beach in early spring. I'm not sure yet what I want to do, but my hubby wants something for us to look forward to. I think that's a fine idea. It's good to look ahead and see something wonderful looming in the distance, whether it's a birthday celebration, a holiday, a visit with a special friend or time with family, it's all good.
There is real value in living in the moment, but there is also something delicious about knowing something good is coming up. I remember as little kid looking forward to what was coming up next. The clock on the classroom wall seemed to stop dead when I was looking forward to being with my friends after school. I was hardly in the moment. Then as much as I couldn't wait for the school day to end, I felt like the summer was endless and I could barely wait for the school year to start. Whatever I was doing, I always had my eye on the next possibility. Maybe that's just part of being a kid. As an adult I tend to keep those anticipated events on the back burner as I pay attention to my day. In the moments when the thought of an upcoming event pops into my head, I feel uplifted and energized. When I am looking forward to something that I really want to do, I used to think that I shouldn't let myself get too excited just in case I wouldn't be able to follow through and I would be disappointed. I've changed my mind.
It's fun to anticipate an event and looking forward to it is sometimes as much fun as the event itself. There have been lots of changed plans, living with fibro. But when it comes to really big events - like weddings and times when the kids are involved, I seem to find the energy to attend and have a great time. I suspect that I just don't build up enough momentum and anticipation for something as routine as a night at the movies. There have been times I was smack in the middle of a fun time and I had to leave because I felt the energy drain right out of me. I've learned to make a more graceful exit than I used to, but those times have been disappointing. There isn't a rhyme or reason to what I can follow through on and what I can't. As I look ahead over the good things coming up over the next weeks and months I am going to enjoy the anticipation and accept the decisions I have to make about doing or not being able to do what I've planned.
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