Day 236 - What is it That I Miss Most?

I was thinking today about what might be the one thing I miss most in my life since I've been laid low by this condition. Most things in my life I have adapted or adjusted so I don't think there are many things that have totally disappeared, and for that I am grateful. Fibro has not limited my capacity to love or dream or imagine. It doesn't keep me from praying or meditating or re-framing things so they a have a more positive spin. Chronic fatigue doesn't keep me from dancing in the kitchen on my better days or walking through a flower-filled park in the middle of spring. I can still sit on the beach, take a train into the city or a drive to the mountains. I still am surrounded by people I love and care about and who care about me.

 

I can still read a good book, page through a favorite magazine or listen to music. I have new favorite shows on TV because of the time I spend resting and I have learned to browse the on-demand movie list in record time. I can still go to work and be productive. My work has changed and I am feeling very good about the direction it has taken. I travel less and that's just fine with me - I can think of myself as more of a home-body. The fact that my responsibilities have changed means that other people can step up and challenge themselves in new directions, too. I have new hobbies and I can sit at my computer or prop up my laptop and explore anything that suits my fancy. My super-specs allow me to use my eyes in ways that were impossible before I had the right diagnosis for my vision. I can go to lunch or dinner and I can go to brunch if it feels to early to go out for breakfast. I can treat myself to an afternoon at the hair salon or get a massage or a facial as a treat. I can just take a day and do nothing.

 

Fibro and fatigue cannot take away my good and strong relationships. The friends who have fallen away are still wonderful and dear people - we just were on very different paths. My work friends, my sister, my special relatives, friends from high school and college and work are all a delight and they get it when I say I can't do more. Friends who have been with me for decades have seen me deal with whatever and they know that I am stronger than this condition. My kids are fabulous and loving and we keep things simple and that works for me. The little ones in my life fill me with inspiration and joy and I am always energized in their presence. My hubby is my rock and he is there for me every step of the way with his quiet strength. So what is it that I have truly lost for good? I think I know what it is - but I also have to say that I have made my peace with it. I miss my teaching.