Today I had a good day from start to finish. My energy was good, I felt sharp, I got in a good day's work and even had time to pop into a shop on the way home from work and pick up a dress for an upcoming event. This is just two days after a four day slump. Go figure. I am totally blown away by the inconsistency of this condition. I can go from a discouraged lump on the couch to an optimistic, productive, energized and active woman in the span of twenty-four hours. I can go from insomnia to a solid night's sleep, from a migraine to a clear head, from fatigued to feeling fantastic and then back again. How the heck am I supposed to plan my life when I never know what the next hour will bring?
I was thinking on my ride home today if there was some way I could figure out how to create a good day. Is it because I get up and shower immediately? Hmmm, no, There are days I go from the shower to getting ready for the day, then right back to into bed, because the effort of getting ready wore me out. Should I go back to staying in bed for thirty minutes after I wake up so I get my body in gear before I jump out of bed? Well, I'm giving it about fifteen minutes these days and I could try the thirty minutes again, but it didn't really make much of a difference in my day when I was doing half an hour. Does it matter what time I get into bed? Too early and I just lie there, waiting for sleep to come, but too late invites sleeplessness. When I stick to a tighter schedule of when to go to bed and when to get up it has worked, but there are still those days when I am following my routine and it gets all screwed up anyway. Take my meds? I do that. Eat healthy foods - pretty much do that too, Reduce stress. Umm, maybe not as much as I could. I can't change my circumstance, but I do focus on keeping my head on straight - but some things just kind of gnaw at me anyway.
Maybe what it boils down to is that there really isn't any particular thing that is going to make this condition go away or be better day-to-day. There isn't anything I can do or think or feel or believe that will make my condition vanish. What I can do is to keep doing all of the little things I know to do, stay confident in my treatment plan, continue to learn and explore possibilities, take care of my emotional health as well as my physical health and pay attention to how I am feeling and just deal with it. I have to stick with what I know is true for me and to continue to understand that this is a complex situation with no easy or guaranteed resolution. In addition to my medical plan I need to keep the rest of my life simple and sweet. I need to sleep when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, laugh when I'm happy and cry when I'm not. I have to just keep putting one foot in front of the next and keep my chin up and stay optimistic. This condition may have taken some things away but is hasn't gotten the best of me and it never will. Never.
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