Last night I spent considerable time in conversation with a couple whose views are quite a bit different from mine. What was noteworthy for me, was that we rose above those differences and were able to have a lovely evening together. One of the big social stressors for me is the duality that has been created in our culture with seemingly no place to meet in the middle. This couple and I talked quite a bit about the impact it has had on real discussion and exchange of ideas as well as what might be happening to the young people as they watch adults embrace the duality and behave in very unpleasant ways. My political or religious views are not a weapon that I carry with me - ready to use to attack and separate myself from those around me. I am looking for ways to make my life better - not more contentious or complicated.
I remember a time when you could have civil, as well as enlightening, conversations with someone who held a different stance than the one you embraced. Emily Post (the good manners lady) has said it's best not to discuss politics, religion or money in polite conversation. But I believe it is important for us to be able to discuss what is happening in the world around us with our trusted friends and maybe even our relatives. (Otherwise, we are left to the media to figure all this stuff out). I respect, even more than I used to, the right of any person to hold beliefs that are different - even very different from mine. It's mostly because silencing a detractor means I never get to hear what that person is thinking, or believing. When I can get into the head of another way of thinking it expands my knowing - it may help me see a perspective I may not have considered or to help me clarify the issue from a different position than the one I hold.
When in conversation, I try to think about what is driving the other person's belief - and if those beliefs come from a place of honesty, authenticity and concern, then I am called to respect their right to hold and express those beliefs. I rarely come into contact with individuals who are unreasonable in the expression of what they believe, or even those who are motivated by hatred or division - those conversations seem to get unglued pretty fast and I'm not into that kind of debate. Plus, I don't need that additional stress. And, if I think about it, it seems that our different beliefs don't prevent us from working together, caring for each other or building a better community with each other on an every day basis, regardless of the beliefs we hold. It's only when we slap on the labels and point an accusing finger at our differences that things get testy. I'm done with testy - Let's be Reasonable is my new slogan!
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