It's been a long week, and slowly, but surely, I am feeling better. Each day I've felt a bit stronger than the day before and I am seeing steady progress. I thought I might be able to go into work today, but as soon as I started to get ready it was clear I didn't have the energy to get myself cleaned up and dressed, let alone do my work. Very frustrating. I really love my work and I don't like it when I have to pull back from my responsibilities - partly because I hate to have things pile up and partly because I don't want to increase someone else's workload just because I can't make it into work. It's not intentional so I think I need to work on the guilt!
It feels so self centered to be sitting here taking care of my needs when I know there is so much to do, both at work and at home. I don't like it when I can't go into work. I chose work that I think brings value to the world and I want to be part of that mission, and at home I like doing things to keep our home a comfortable and attractive place to be. I've never been a stranger to hard work and I don't like that everyone keeps telling me to just focus on myself. It's not the way I'm put together. But, I know if I don't pay attention now, this is fibro and fatigue is only going to get worse. Then, I'll be totally useless to everyone, not just the folks I work with, but to my friends, family and myself.
I keep thinking I'm "getting" what this recovery thing means, but instead I keep finding out, again and again, that there are lessons to be learned. I have to keep digging deeper and I'm willing to do that - but it's HARD!!! This is so incredibly difficult, but I don't have a choice if I want my body to heal. It's easy for people to give me advice, and they do, but that makes me feel not just sick, but stupid, as well. It so embarrassing when something is really obvious and I've missed it, or there is part of my plan that I think I'm doing a good job with, but I'm really not. I am continuing to refine my plan and maybe I really didn't get how serious this recovery process is, but I have to continue to be curious, reflective and assertive as I make the decisions, along with my Lady Doc, that will keep me pointed in the right direction. I sure don't want another week like this one has been!
It feels so self centered to be sitting here taking care of my needs when I know there is so much to do, both at work and at home. I don't like it when I can't go into work. I chose work that I think brings value to the world and I want to be part of that mission, and at home I like doing things to keep our home a comfortable and attractive place to be. I've never been a stranger to hard work and I don't like that everyone keeps telling me to just focus on myself. It's not the way I'm put together. But, I know if I don't pay attention now, this is fibro and fatigue is only going to get worse. Then, I'll be totally useless to everyone, not just the folks I work with, but to my friends, family and myself.
I keep thinking I'm "getting" what this recovery thing means, but instead I keep finding out, again and again, that there are lessons to be learned. I have to keep digging deeper and I'm willing to do that - but it's HARD!!! This is so incredibly difficult, but I don't have a choice if I want my body to heal. It's easy for people to give me advice, and they do, but that makes me feel not just sick, but stupid, as well. It so embarrassing when something is really obvious and I've missed it, or there is part of my plan that I think I'm doing a good job with, but I'm really not. I am continuing to refine my plan and maybe I really didn't get how serious this recovery process is, but I have to continue to be curious, reflective and assertive as I make the decisions, along with my Lady Doc, that will keep me pointed in the right direction. I sure don't want another week like this one has been!
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