My relationships are very important to me and it can be a real challenge to balance what my relationships need to survive with what I need for my own well-being. On lots of days I just want to be left alone. Not because I don't care to be with the people I care about and love, it's just that I don't have the energy to be a full participant in a friendly exchange. If the phone rings and I'm not up to a conversation, I let it go to message. There are many wonderful people in my life who know how to strike the right balance and I appreciate their sensitivity and understanding. I once had a friend who couldn't understand why I didn't have the energy to spend more time with her as compared to my hubby. What I told her was that when I was with my hubby, we could just hang out and I could just lie on the couch with him and not even talk but I didn't have the energy to go out and do the girly stuff we used to do. She still didn't get it.
Our kids and spouses put up with so much more than the rest of the people in our lives. They see first hand the ups and downs we experience and after a while, we don't have to explain a thing. A single word sends the message and they know what to do to give me the space I need to make myself better. When I am up and around again, things just go right back to normal without any big explanations. The friends who are in my life seem to get what I can and can't do and they don't ask more of me than I can give. That goes a long way in keeping me from feeling guilty, weak or needy. If I'm not feeling well, I can go days and days without talking to anyone outside of my immediate family, then I wind up feeling lonesome and out of touch. I love it when a friend reaches out without any expectation. I feel terrible when a friend reminds me that I didn't return a call, or a missed an important milestone. I do the best I can with that sort of thing. On the other hand, I do get tired of "have you tried this" conversations that I know are intended to he helpful but just wind up making me feel uncomfortable for a whole bunch of reasons. .
I find it difficult to make plans, especially when I know that I can only do so much on a given day. I miss girl talk, browsing antique shops, meeting for lunch or an early dinner and being filled in on the details of a friend's life. What works for me in maintaining a friendship is to stay in touch whatever way we can. I love social media sites, email, texts, skype and instant messaging. Phone calls when I am feeling energetic are good. I like to meet for coffee instead of a long, multi-course dinner. When I do get together with a friend it's fun to talk about old times as well as get caught up with what's currently going on. I especially appreciate it when a friend lets things be real. I once had a friend who didn't want to tell me about her fun times because she was afraid I would feel bad for not being able to do what she could do. I love to hear about happy times and happy things. Life should be filled with happy stuff and even though I may be having a rough time of it. I've got happy stuff to share, too.
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