Day 314 - I Don't Remember and I Can't Find It. Again.

I just have to give some lovin' to my fibro brain. What else can I do? Today was classic. I just couldn't keep things straight, and my memory wasn't so good. It started with leaving my umbrella at the foot of my mother's bed when I visited the nursing home. It was raining! How could I forget? When I went outside I ran to my car, wishing I had an umbrella. I worked at my beading table this afternoon and every time I put something down - I lost it - right in front of my eyes. I looked straight at what I needed - silver crimp beads, my pliers, the match to a bead I just had in my hand - all were lost in my fibro memory. Of all my silliness two instances stand out. The first was when I was working on stringing a pattern of beads. I paused for a moment to answer the phone. When I got back to my table I picked up the end of the beading wire and added another twenty beads or so, until I realized that I had picked up the end of a wire that was connected to another spool. I had to re-bead the correct wire.

The next instance was when I was finishing a necklace to give to my daughter tonight for her birthday. I planned everything out carefully and checked out the finished project in front of the mirror. It was just the way I wanted it. When I got back to my table I noticed I had six beads left over and I was pleased that I would have them to use for another project. I did the painstaking work of finishing off the ends and putting on the clasps. I was satisfied with my work. A few hours later I went upstairs to get the new necklace to wrap it in birthday paper. I wasn't until I laid it out that I realized the six left over beads weren't left over. I was six beads short on one end of the necklace. How did I miss that? My only defense is that the six beads would have been at the back of my neck and not in my view in the mirror. But I looked at the piece over and over again and never saw my glaring mistake. It has to be fibro brain.

How many times in a day can I lose my keys? My glasses? My cup of tea or coffee? How many times do I have to search for something I know I have, that I just saw, but it isn't anywhere, except exactly where I left it but I don't remember. How many silly mistakes can I make without feeling aggravated and frustrated. My daughter asked me to re-attach a tie on the back of her shirt. I sat with my needle and thread and mended it to perfection. It wasn't until she tried to put her blouse on that she realized that I had attached both ends of the same tie to her shirt. So instead of being able to tie the two ends into a bow, she had one tie loose in her hand and the other was sewn to the two sides of her blouse. The two ties were in a bow and when she undid it, the one piece just fell to the ground. Ridiculous.

I know this isn't Alzheimer's, but I do worry that my memory will fade with age and with that on top of my fibro brain, I won't be able to  find anything without it being attached to a tracking device. I am not a "natural" organizer, but I do okay. It doesn't  matter whether I am organized or not. My kitchen is well organized and I can usually find what I need, except for the times I swear I put something in its place, I look where it should be, I don't find it, but there it is right in front of my eyes when I go back again or I ask for help finding it. The visual message just doesn't compute. I'm a smart lady, but my memory for details, stinks. If I put something down, it may as well be lost, because I don't see it when I am staring it down. I write lists, but as soon as I am finished reading what I wrote, it goes right out of my head. I know this is something that I have to deal with and I am aware that not only is it frustrating for me, it's difficult for the folks in my life, and especially my family, who have to deal with this on a regular basis. All I can do is accept that I am doing the best I can and maybe just see the humor in it. Getting stressed out only makes it worse.