Day 300 - A Beginning, A Middle, But No End

This is Day 300 for me. Wow. It is beginning to sink in that this journey is going to last well beyond 365 days. I began this blog when I started a one year treatment program for fibro and fatigue. The program did not promise recovery in one year, it was designed to give the treatment a chance, thus the twelve month commitment. Many people with chronic conditions have a hard time finding a physician they can trust. Even in a trusting partnership working toward restoration of health together, it becomes clear that this condition has a beginning, a middle, but at this point in time, no end. That is a sobering thought, but one I have come to accept. I will not succumb to this condition but I do know that its presence must be integrated into my life.

 

I am more at peace after coming to terms with the reality that fibro and fatigue will have a voice in the way I live my life. It gets a vote, but it doesn't get to determine who I am, what I believe, how I relate to other people or what causes I commit myself to. My life has slowly changed and I have been an observer in the process as well as a participant. When I look in the mirror I see the same old me. When I wake up in the morning I feel like a different person. My inner enthusiasm doesn't match my physical energy. My goals have changed and I have learned to be happy with doing less,

 

I have been on this fibro journey since I was a teen. I didn't have a name for it until ten years ago. I remember wondering, as a young mother, how I would take care of my little ones when I had such severe migraines and bouts of IBS. I had aches and pains, illnesses and allergies. Doctors thought I had an auto-immune disorder, but nothing was ever done about it. It seemed there was always something going on. I had such severe TMJ that a dental surgeon wanted to replace the joint in my jaw. I refused the surgery and that particular problem faded away just like most of the other serious aches and pains that came and went. The medical stuff was mostly annoying all those years until I was suddenly laid low a decade ago. I have been enormously surprised at the power fibro and chronic fatigue have over my body. But, it has no power of the essence of who I am or who I am becoming. I like that I have documented this journey for the past year, the writing gives me a positive focus and I can see where I've been and maybe put some ideas out there about where I want to be.