When I was a little girl I desperately wanted to take ballet lessons, but for one reason or another my parents had other ideas. I wanted to be a ballerina and I think I probably would have danced if I was led in that direction. But I didn't take lessons and I never became a ballerina. But I did lots of other things instead. I developed other kinds of creative expression that still serve me today, and I still dance whenever I get the chance - in the kitchen, with my kids and whenever I go to a wedding! My dancing may not include ballet slippers or a frilly tutu, but I am happy and fulfilled. When I look back I realize that if I had done the whole ballet fantasy thing as my career I would not be where I am today in many different ways.
Sometimes I get to choose the direction of my life and other times the path is forged for me. When I went to college I decided what I wanted to study and that choice created my lifestyle as well as my work. When we decided where we wanted to live, the same thing happened. Well, my life with fibro is creating its own rhythms and patterns in my life. Things are different, for sure, but I am focusing on everything that I still have in my life. I've lost some things, but I certainly haven't lost everything. Life is slower and that's not such a bad thing. When I was just a kid there was a big poster that said to bloom where you are planted and that's exactly what I am doing.
Every time I make a decision I acknowledge that it will have implications that I might not be able to predict and I am okay with that. Actually, it's what gives life a little spice. If everything was predictable I would have fewer opportunities to learn to adapt and live my life creatively. Truth is, I have a condition that is unpredictable and that means I have to be able to tolerate uncertainty and look for possible unexpected benefits in my changing situation. Even when things may take a turn for the worse, I can choose to see my setbacks as temporary and prepare myself for better days ahead. When I have a bad day I can let go of discouragement and disappointment and acknowledge that life is complex. It's all up to me. I can continue to become emotionally stronger, even when my body lets me down.
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