Even thought I am out on sick leave, there are still some job responsibilities I have to attend to. This afternoon I went to a business lunch and it felt good to in the swing of things. It also showed me that I am still having issues with running out of energy when I go to work. I was fortunate to be able to ride along with a co-worker so I got to nap a bit on the way home. When I am at home I have gotten to be really good about pacing myself and spending a good part of my day resting. Once I get to work, my adrenaline starts to pump because I love what I do and the people I work with, and I am excited about our projects. It is difficult to pace myself when I feel excited and engaged in what is going on. It makes me feel confused about decisions I have to make.
When I was away on vacation I spent time thinking about what I wanted to do about my work schedule once I got back to work in the fall. I still don't know exactly what I want to do, but I am starting to have some clarity on some issues. I am certain that I can't work full time. I was working part time, but that got to be too difficult as well. I love my work and can't imagine not doing something related to what I am currently doing, so that's where my thoughts are turning. I am not going to make any decisions at this point, but I am going to track my progress and see how I am feeling and then consider what I can do in my professional life not to lose any gains I achieve.
I am blessed to have a spectacular work team and part of my reluctance in re-defining my work is giving up the opportunity to work with such smart and fun people. My work life is part of my community - I have built some really special relationships and I don't want them to fade away. I have lost so many friendships because I couldn't show up, and I am afraid if I stop showing up for work, will I be forgotten. I know that's just a fear and that I shouldn't make career decisions based on fear. I have to keep balance in mind as I work on lots of different kinds of decisions in my life. Work is certainly part of who I am, but it doesn't define me. I know that I feel fully alive when I am challenged and working with great people. I just have to figure out how to do that and stay as healthy as I can at the same time.
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