All these pages I have written over that past months about fibro recovery have kind of been me, talking to myself. I have been trying to make sense of my situation and focus on ways that I can grow through this and come out on the other side a stronger, more self-aware, reflective, pro-active and optimistic being. I certainly don't have all the answers - I hardly have any - but I am still filled with questions. I have enormous curiosity about the strength of the human spirit and I wonder how we can be so resilient when the challenges we face are so enormous. We lose a job, a parent, a spouse, a child, or our health and yet we keep on going. We are frustrated, annoyed, discouraged, angry or bewildered and yet we continue to seek our personal truth. We get beaten down, yelled at, criticized and ignored, but we still seek out relationships that have depth and meaning. We are amazing human beings.
I see it all the time - people rising in the face of adversity and personal disaster. I see strength, courage, determination and great resolve when it comes to facing and conquering those circumstances which, were it not for our bravery, would leave us beaten and in despair. I see it in children who believe in adults and in the possibility of a hopeful future, even when they have been sorely disappointed. I see it in the elderly who continue to hold onto their dignity and their personhood, even as their bodies are ravaged with illness and age. I see it in the people in my family and among my friends as they strive to bring their best selves to the people and the situations around them. There are people who sign up for bravery - like soldiers and firemen, policemen and doctors. They take big risks and hold our safety in their competent hands. But most of the brave people I know didn't sign up for that. They grew into it because of their circumstance.
As I got older and began to mature, I could tap into my courage more easily. I put some history behind me that showed that I have taken on big stuff in my past and I made it through and came out stronger for it on the other side. I know my strengths and I have learned to navigate around my weaknesses. I have gotten better at not beating myself up for what I'm not and I can focus more clearly on who I am. I have learned to be strong - not just through my own experience - but also by watching the people I love and care about make it through their tough times with courage and grace. I have had hard teachers who left me bruised and discouraged, and those may have been my most important lessons. As I reflect on what I am learning about life and about myself on this fibro journey, I am finding the same me that has been here all along. I'm taking life one step at a time, leaning when I need to and standing on my own two feet whenever I can. I keep writing because there is so much more to learn. Fibro is a tough teacher - but sometimes the tough ones are the best.
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