Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 165 - I'm Stretching By Stepping Up, or By Stepping Back

Work has been very busy the past week and I love it. What I love best is that I feel like I am contributing in ways that may be different than I used to, but what I'm doing now is just as important. It feels so good to know that I can choose what's good for me and at the same time, do good for others as well. I have always felt that each of us brings different gifts to life. What surprises me is that the gifts we are given to share with others are endless. Every situation we face calls for different skills or behaviors and I see people around me stepping up to the plate time and again. It's exciting. As much as I see the gifts in others, my own self-judgement can get in the way of recognizing my own gifts, and then to use them to help make the decisions in my life that are best for me.

When I stop and think about it, I realize I am learning important lessons about myself through this process of healing and I value the lessons I am learning. It takes new situations and new experiences to stretch who I am and to challenge me to grow and test myself  in new ways. Some lessons are helping me to step back and others are making me step up. As I look back on my life, it seems to me that my most difficult life circumstances have created the most spiritual and emotional growth. I see clearly that the most difficult people in my life have helped me to learn about my own vulnerabilities and shortcomings. My scariest experiences have taught me that I can be brave and strong. My most challenging students have been my greatest teachers because they made me question and then develop my skills. If I don't see areas where I need to grow through these situations, I remain stagnant and inflexible.

Re-defining my life through the lens of fibro continues to create new growth opportunities for me. I've met new friends, prioritized hat's important to me, and increased my overall health by taking care of multiple issues, I've redefined my role professionally and I have learned to depend on the love and good will of those around me. That may be one of my toughest lessons. I tend to be a pretty independent woman and "needing" someone isn't high on my list of things I'd like to admit to. But I will admit it now, and I know that needing is in no way a negative reflection on my strength. Both can exist within me and I am learning to embrace both my independence and my need. I've got plenty more lessons to learn in this life and I remain a willing learner.  

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