Day 147 - Did I Just Hear You Say I Chose This?

I will never know why I am living with fibro and maybe that's a useless question for me, anyway.  A more useful question might be to ask how I might make the most of the situation I'm in. Trying to figure out if I had a negative thought or an angry emotion that triggered this isn't very helpful. Nor is reviewing every morsel of food I've put in my mouth or blaming a too busy schedule or the stresses of a wacky childhood and my messy divorce. I'm no expert on this stuff, but I absolutely do not believe any of us consciously caused or chose our fibro. But certainly there are circumstances that each of us experienced that allowed fibro to express itself in us. Those experiences were just part of the daily fabric of my life, but they all add up to exactly where I am today - I can start with heredity! Now that I am living with fibro I can consider how my emotions can support my wellness or how my choices can be more healthful but looking back doesn't serve me today.

When I look at suffering I can see that it gives each of us an opportunity to rise to a higher level of being. If no one is ever sick how do we learn to heal or be a caregiver or a supportive friend? If no one every says that they are angry - how do we know how to make a situation better, resolve a disagreement or find common ground in our points of view? If everything is always easy how do we get to be strong or perseverant or determined? Sometimes the greatest challenges we face are our greatest spiritual gifts, even if we don't think so at that moment. Would I choose this if I had a conscious choice? The answer is a no-brainer. Of course I wouldn't choose this.

What I do know for sure is that I do not know a single individual who has never been sick or had a problem or cried over a lost love. I have  known and do know many wonderfully spiritual and religious individuals who deal with the same things I do. We all get sick at some point and the truth is that we all die. No one escapes the trials and tribulations of being human. So when somebody gets all preachy with me and tells me that I chose this condition I just smile. I think to myself that maybe on some high and lofty spiritual level I put myself in this place, in this condition, and at this time, because I am just one piece in a giant puzzle and who knows the mysteries of the soul anyway? My lessons are other peoples' lessons. I learn from you and grow through knowing you and sharing your struggle. We do the best we can at any given moment. When we know better we do better. We all make mistakes, we get sick, we struggle and we prevail. We are all perfectly imperfect.