Two days ago I was a maniac getting the house ready for Christmas. My hubby brought down all the boxes from the attic and I went at them with all the enthusiasm I could muster. My body kept telling me to slow down, take a break and leave some for the next day. I didn't listen. Well, I listened for a minute or two. I would sit down on the couch with a hot cup of tea for a much needed rest, then get another idea, and pop right up again. I fussed with this and adjusted that and by the time I got back to the couch, my tea was cold. My next break wasn't any longer than the first. I told myself to stop, but I was so into it and having so much fun I kept pushing through the pain and the tiredness. That was wrong on so many levels. Yesterday I paid the price.
When will I ever learn that I can't do, what I can't do. Geez. You'd think after all these years I'd get smart - but noooo, I just have to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. Not good. I get lured into thinking I can squeeze out another okay-day when I've had a few in a row. The holiday weekend was pretty good and there was enough rest time that I could keep up with what was going on. But, when I get into a project and I am on a roll, it just feels unnatural to stop right in the middle, especially if I'm not flat on my back. Well, that's exactly where that kind of thinking got me. I couldn't even sit up for dinner last night I was so depleted, nor could I get myself off the couch and into bed when bedtime rolled around. What a mess.
Yesterday was a wake-up call. Again. Okay, again, again, and yet again. I hate to give in to this fibro thing. I resent it so much some days that I could just spit! I want to wish it away, erase it, stomp it and explode it right out of my life. Enough is enough and I've had it! This is the season to be jolly, merry, hopeful, inspired and uplifted. I am all of those things on the inside - my spirit is filled with joy, but this body of mine thinks it can get the upper hand. I may be down but don't count me out. I may be tired, but my spirit isn't be weary. If I can remember that I can do a lot of things, if not every thing I might be better at striking a balance. I have got to listen to my body. I need to care for it as tenderly and attentively as I would care for someone else. This season is filled with fun things to do and I want to be part of it all. Keeping a balance over the next few weeks will be a test of my resolve.
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