Day 89 - One-Downsmanship - My New Singular Pet Peeve

A magazine I used to read had a section for readers to send in their Pet Peeves. I've never been one to keep a mental list of things that annoy me. Most annoying things I experience come and go and are typically in a particular moment when I am already feeling stressed out and miserable. Today though, I've decided that I am going to create a pet peeve list, but with just one thing on it. I am going on record as being officially ticked off when a person plays One-Downmanship with me. You know the game. I say I've had a bad day and your day was horrible. I say my hair has the frizzies and yours not only has the frizzies but its started falling out. My plumber showed up late- yours never showed up at all. A sales person really helped me to find exactly what I was looking for and the last time you were in that store no one helped you at all. You get my drift - the other person is only happy when they're not! It's exhausting. One-upmanship - when whatever the other person has, says or does is better than you, is much less draining for some reason and doesn't make my pet peeve list.

Now granted, when I share my tales of woe with a friend or my hubby, I might be looking for acknowledgment that I've made it through or overcome a rough situation. I may need some moral support or maybe even a little empathy. Sometimes I just may need a willing ear. We can all relate to needing to share life's little challenges and annoyances with our dear ones. A good session of tossing them out on the table for all to see can be quite cathartic. Once it's done, it feels good to have dumped the whole mess. There is a different energy when someone is using one-downmanship - it starts to feel heavy and negative and it seems like everything gets dragged down and then not even good stuff is worth talking about. The conversation always seems to center around the misery of the negative person and I hardly get a word in edgewise. The downsmanship can even turn something good into a downer. If I found a great bargain, they never have that kind of luck. If I parked right outside the restaurant entrance, it's not fair that it never happens for them. If I bake banana bread they complain about their crummy stove with uneven heat. It just never ends. But now it has for me. If someone starts the downsmanship game with me, I'm not going to take the bait. If I find myself doing it to someone else, I will make amends and do better next time.

A person engaged in downmanship isn't sharing their story so we can relate to one another - they are sharing their experience to shift the conversation to him or her. It takes all the power out of my experience and negates what's important to me. Big difference. They almost can't wait to get the words out so they prove that my experience was nothing compared to theirs. That person wants the prize for being the most miserable. Well, as of today - you win. You have the most misery, unhappiness and bad luck, the hardest life and I will never have it as hard as you do. Okay? No more contest - I will always be the lucky one, in the right place at the right time, and I'll never have to deal with anything hard or challenging ever again (hmmm, that sounds like a pretty sweet deal, actually). That way we can both stay our own kind of happy.