Needles used to make me very nervous but I've had so much blood work done over the years, that now I kind of take that stuff in stride. The new addition to my wellness regimen is home injections of vitamin B. Hmm. A nurse aiming a needle at my hip gives me lots more confidence that the thought of wielding the needle myself. I was given a lesson in self-administration and the process of prepping the vial and filling the plunger was kind of fun, actually. I felt like I was in a role play - me playing nurse! I did fine until the point of impact. Just couldn't get my brain to literally, let me take the plunge. I told the nurse I wasn't sure I could do this and her reply was, "Sure you can." With that she wrapped her hand around mine and zap - in went the needle. Whoa. That was quick - and not bad at all. My fear had me nearly immobilized, but with a bit of support, I broke thorough.
Fear is like that. Two things happened in the needle situation that got me past my fear. The first was that I expressed my fear and the second was that I had support in moving past it. I describe myself as an optimist who is willing to rendezvous with reality. I know that I don't have to express every sad thought, bad mood or crummy day. I can be out in the world and share happiness and good cheer. But if I do not express my fears, they stay hidden and subtly drain my energy. My fear doesn't even need to be a topic of discussion with anyone else. I have to first acknowledge and respect that feeling before it has even a small chance of being resolved. Nagging fears threaten my optimism and color experiences that don't even have anything to do with what is giving me concern. That's why I like to write. I can express myself without getting into it with someone else and give my fear its voice. That clarification can help me to share with someone I trust and work things through.
That brings me to the second piece of the needle fear that helped me move past immobilization to being okay - and that was support. When the nurse took my hand, I got stronger and together we got the job done. Having a friend or loved one with a willing ear, who stands beside me, can be the difference between staying locked in fear or getting unstuck. I stay away from people who negate or minimize me and I have learned how to volley back comments that don't help, or are hurtful. "That's no big deal." doesn't help me manage my fear - it says I'm silly for having the fear. All of us want to feel strong and capable and discounting feelings that are swirling around inside only makes that harder. I haven't done my first injection at home yet, but when I do, my nurse's words will ring in my ears and I will picture that caring hand around my own, knowing for sure, that I can do it.
Fear is like that. Two things happened in the needle situation that got me past my fear. The first was that I expressed my fear and the second was that I had support in moving past it. I describe myself as an optimist who is willing to rendezvous with reality. I know that I don't have to express every sad thought, bad mood or crummy day. I can be out in the world and share happiness and good cheer. But if I do not express my fears, they stay hidden and subtly drain my energy. My fear doesn't even need to be a topic of discussion with anyone else. I have to first acknowledge and respect that feeling before it has even a small chance of being resolved. Nagging fears threaten my optimism and color experiences that don't even have anything to do with what is giving me concern. That's why I like to write. I can express myself without getting into it with someone else and give my fear its voice. That clarification can help me to share with someone I trust and work things through.
That brings me to the second piece of the needle fear that helped me move past immobilization to being okay - and that was support. When the nurse took my hand, I got stronger and together we got the job done. Having a friend or loved one with a willing ear, who stands beside me, can be the difference between staying locked in fear or getting unstuck. I stay away from people who negate or minimize me and I have learned how to volley back comments that don't help, or are hurtful. "That's no big deal." doesn't help me manage my fear - it says I'm silly for having the fear. All of us want to feel strong and capable and discounting feelings that are swirling around inside only makes that harder. I haven't done my first injection at home yet, but when I do, my nurse's words will ring in my ears and I will picture that caring hand around my own, knowing for sure, that I can do it.
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