I have a friend who orders shoes from a catalog, takes them out the box, puts them on her feet and that's that. Another friend searches high and low for a shoe that will allow her to take a few steps without being in pain. I fall somewhere in the middle. I have a love/hate relationship with shoes. To be clear I am not even talking about spike heels or sexy boots, I am talking about shoes that are presentable enough to wear to work that make me feel both feminine and comfortable. There is no shortage of comfortable (but as far from sexy as a grocery sack) shoes. I don't want to wear them. I try them on and immediately reject them because they make me feel old and dowdy. And really pretty shoes seem to be made of some kind of material guaranteed to make my tootsies ache. So the search is on.
Today I shopped for a pair of shoes to wear to the office. I finally decided on two pair (same style, different color) that I think may just work. I tried on at least fifteen pair and I just can't believe how much a shoe can hurt, even when wearing it for just a short walk across the store. Once I start the process of trying things on, my feet start yelling at me. If a shoe pinches, that pinch stays in my foot - kind of like those old magic slates where you wrote something, lifted the top sheet, and the image disappeared. But underneath, you could see the impression of everything that had been written. It seems my body holds on to a momentary pain and then it continues to radiate in my body. Something as simple as buying shoes gets to be a pain, literally. Then the rest of the stuff that happens in my body when I'm shopping kicks in. If I head out to a store I'm sure to wear clothes will not hurt me. Also, I leave my coat and purse in the car, because the extra weigh makes my neck and shoulders chime in as well. Who needs that?
One of the things I want to resolve in my life is being able to do little things without it causing big issues. I want to be able to shop if I need to - or want to - and have the energy, stamina and physical strength to do that! I want to go for a walk and not think about my feet, or my shoulders. I want to just forget for a day, a week, a month, a year that I have fibro. I want to choose to buy pretty shoes because I like them, not because my feet decided they would let me. I want to be able to shop for myself or for others and enjoy the experience. For now, it's mostly a run in and get back out proposition. I need a few more things to be ready for this season and I will pace myself and keep in mind that I can do this a little at a time.
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