My daughter is at her Grandmother's funeral today (my ex-husband's mother). She called me to read a lovely poem her Grandma had written about being in love with her husband and the love, pride, devotion and pain she felt waiting for him to return safely to her from the Korean War. My daughter was deeply touched by the poem and wept softly as she finished reading it to me. She then asked if I knew her Grandmother could write so well. I told her that I knew her Grandma to be a very creative woman. I was not surprised that she could write such heart-felt words, especially since she was young and deeply in love. What strikes me about the conversation is that there is probably a whole lot none of us knew about this expressive woman before she died. And now all that is left is to put together the pieces from these little glimpses of her life.
It takes time and a lot of effort to get to know someone well. It takes shared experiences, discussions, quarrels and disagreements, open ears and an open heart. Even when all of those things are present there is no guarantee that we will understand each other or be able to see in another person what they see in themselves. We've all learned to wear a mask that keeps us form feeling too vulnerable. We temper our opinions so as not to seem too bold and hang back when there's an opportunity to share a bit of who we really are. We may want others to see us a certain way and so we say and do things to match an image rather than the reality of who we know ourselves to be. When the masks drop away and we are open to sharing our wants, needs, desires and pain, then others have a chance to see who we really are. But there is safety in wearing a mask, and sometimes it is in our best interest not to show ourselves too freely.
So where is the balance between showing who I am and keeping myself safe as I grow and learn about how to become more of me? How do I build intimacy in relationships without the fear of judgement, ridicule or rejection scaring me away? When my daughter read me the poem I felt sad that it was the first time she had seen it. When any of us write, we put a bit of ourselves out there for the world to see, and that can be a scary thing. I know my daughter would have adored having time to talk with her Grandma about that poem and probably would have asked what else Grandma had written. I am so happy that my daughter got that glimpse into the depth of love her Grandmother once felt for her Grandfather. I also know that as she stands and reads that poem among her family and loved ones, her Grandma will be right there with her. And that's what I have to know about myself, as well. When I share who I am with honesty and authenticity, the people who really love and care about me are standing by, ready to support me in being exactly who I am.
It takes time and a lot of effort to get to know someone well. It takes shared experiences, discussions, quarrels and disagreements, open ears and an open heart. Even when all of those things are present there is no guarantee that we will understand each other or be able to see in another person what they see in themselves. We've all learned to wear a mask that keeps us form feeling too vulnerable. We temper our opinions so as not to seem too bold and hang back when there's an opportunity to share a bit of who we really are. We may want others to see us a certain way and so we say and do things to match an image rather than the reality of who we know ourselves to be. When the masks drop away and we are open to sharing our wants, needs, desires and pain, then others have a chance to see who we really are. But there is safety in wearing a mask, and sometimes it is in our best interest not to show ourselves too freely.
So where is the balance between showing who I am and keeping myself safe as I grow and learn about how to become more of me? How do I build intimacy in relationships without the fear of judgement, ridicule or rejection scaring me away? When my daughter read me the poem I felt sad that it was the first time she had seen it. When any of us write, we put a bit of ourselves out there for the world to see, and that can be a scary thing. I know my daughter would have adored having time to talk with her Grandma about that poem and probably would have asked what else Grandma had written. I am so happy that my daughter got that glimpse into the depth of love her Grandmother once felt for her Grandfather. I also know that as she stands and reads that poem among her family and loved ones, her Grandma will be right there with her. And that's what I have to know about myself, as well. When I share who I am with honesty and authenticity, the people who really love and care about me are standing by, ready to support me in being exactly who I am.
You bet! When everything is said and done...you can look around to see who is in your circle and that will be all that you need...I like the unmasking of Diana Ramsey....It makes me want to come back and read again tommorrow....I have a lot of respect for you and what you are doing I hope their are others out there who are benefiting from all your openness...
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