This hasn't been my best day. To start, it was hotter than Hades and I did my trip into the city. The streets felt like a furnace and I couldn't wait to get back home again, The cab pulled up to my front door and I discovered that a magnificent oak tree, that had to be a hundred years old, had been removed. The tree was there when I left this morning, and I had no idea the tree was scheduled for removal (I live in a townhouse community). I probably reacted more emotionally than I might have on a different day, but I wasn't exactly in a cheery mood after my doctor visit. My Lady Doc went over my meds and blood test results and I am continuing to make progress medically. My cholesterol is below two hundred and I have been of my cholesterol meds in the late winter. My white blood count is better and many other markers show improvement. The one thing that is not showing improvement is my level of debilitating fatigue. I am still having many days that I don't move off the couch.
Enter the bad news. Since lots of other things are doing well, the reason I am still so fatigued is probably because of the viral infection that was discovered in my blood work.. We started late last winter fighting a bacterial infection with antibiotics, and I needed a second round in late April, but now my doctor thinks it is time to treat my HHV6 viral infection. I am to expect to feel worse before I feel better, and from what I've read, these anti-viral meds are no picnic. I am continuing to take supplements to build my immune system and build myself up so I am ready to take on this next challenge. I do not feel emotionally ready to begin treatment. This battle is tough and I am giving it my all, but the thought of feeling worse again before I feel better is just too much to stomach. When I was treated for my bacterial infection I was on the couch for a month. I understand that this could be harder than that. It's a sobering thought.
It is rough to continually battle feeling exhausted and sick. I am really good at putting on my happy face, but there are plenty of times I am all alone and I just feel lousy. I feel blessed that my body has stayed strong enough to keep me from depression, but I really understand why depression is so often partnered with these chronic conditions - continued pain, feeling sick, discouraged and disappointed creates a direct path to sadness and finally depression. I have been blessed with an optimistic nature and I can get as down in the dumps as anyone - but I seem to have a constitution that keeps me on the bright side. The thought, though, of starting this new protocol does not appeal to me. I know if I expect to have an opportunity to heal, this infection has to be addressed. I am brave, I have good support and I trust my doctor, so when we are ready to start my treatment I will approach it with courage and the intention of coming through on the other side stronger, healthier and better able to manage these chronic conditions.
No comments:
Post a Comment