Having a bad day has gotten to feel like no big deal. It has become part of the rhythm of my life and whether I am having a good day or my day is a struggle, I remain in balance and I don't feel like my emotions are tweaked every time I feel sick. When I don't feel well, I have learned to just lean into it and accept that it will take some time to move through it. There isn't really much I can do when I'm in a funk, so it makes sense to gently move through my day, do the things that nurture me and let go of whatever I might have planned, knowing that it can happen another time. It has taken a long time to be able to accept that I am going to have days when little is accomplished in terms of a job well done. My big accomplishment on a bad day is that I am taking care of myself - and that is enough.
Accepting a bad day is not the same as giving into it. I am way past passing judgement on myself that labels me as being lazy or weak. There are lots of phrases that point to the fact that a person needs to "suck it up", "pull yourself up by your bootstraps", "don't give into it", "fake it 'til you make it" and a slew of other cliches that do not honor the fact that there are times when soldiering on is not the best strategy. When I listen to my body, I believe my crashes are shorter and I feel better sooner. I am not perfect at listening to my body. Sometimes my body screaming at me is like one of those car alarms that you just want to ignore. But when I ignore the signals I reap the consequences.
I had three good days in a row this week and then yesterday and today weren't so good. But, here's the thing, it's okay. Not good. Not great. Not wonderful. But okay. I can deal with this. I can catch up on little things that don't take much energy or focus. Today I started to feel better later in the afternoon so that's when I hopped into the shower and got ready for the day. Up until then I was in sweats, hanging out on the couch, waiting for my energy to kick in. If I try to do too much when I feel depleted, I just get sicker and sicker and that just doesn't work for me. I can push (even though I shouldn't) if I am having a good day, but not on a bad day. I took care of myself yesterday and today and as a result I had a really nice evening, and I am still feeling energized. Actually I feel like a completely different person than I did this morning. I've come to understand that just because a day starts out rough it doesn't mean the entire day is shot. And the reverse is true - I never know how long my feeling good will last. That's my reality. I can accept it without investing a lot of emotion into it.
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