While I have been home on medical leave I have set the intention of making some decisions about my lifestyle and the amount of energy I am willing to spend on working outside my home. I am considering the shape and scope of my career at this stage in my life. I have friends younger than me that are retired and friends much older who are still working. It seems that continuing to work is a very personal decision and age has little to deal with making a sound decision. What seems to be important is that an individual has exercised a measure of control over the decision to stay or go. When I am thinking things through, one day I am decided and the next I feel unsure. On one day I am energized by the idea of being back at work and the following day I feel energized by the idea of letting go of some of my responsibilities. It's confusing and I still don't know what I want to do.
I have worked since I was a kid and I have loved going to work. Each job I've held after I finished college was my absolute favorite while I was in it. When I got to the next job, that one got to be my favorite too, and I realized that it didn't matter what my job was, I loved my work. My career choice suited me and it has served me well. I have worked for other people and I have worked for myself. I started my own company when I was forty years old and have loved watching it grow and find its purpose in the community. Well, now I am facing the possibility that my job is going to change again and I am not ready for my health to drive that decision. I take a lot of satisfaction in working and it is important to me that I serve others and make a difference. I've figured out that the biggest issue I am facing, is my feeling that when I stop working I will be irrelevant, that I won't find meaning and purpose and that if I am not "producing", I won't matter. It's not logical, I know, since I have a wonderful family and dear friends who mean everything to me and I know I am important to them.
I was talking about this with a friend today, and he said that my thinking of myself as irrelevant is just an attitude. He is so right. I can adjust an attitude and I can choose to frame my relevance in any way I choose. If I take a negative view of my life changes, they will feel negative to me. If I frame things in a positive way I will have a more optimistic view of my decisions. Every person who has changed the direction of their life has faced the same issues I am facing today. I look around and I see that people in all kinds of life circumstance are doing just fine and I will be fine, too. Change isn't always easy but in the end, change isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it's just change. I am at the point in my life where I feel good about my accomplishments and whatever happens I know I have done my best and I have been there to assist and support others along the way. I hope the world is a bit of a better place because I've made my contribution. At the end of the day, I can choose to be at peace with my choices and believe that I will find meaning and relevance in my new life, just as many others have done before me. I am not ready to make a decision about my work, but I am ready to keep a positive attitude as I do my considering.
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