When I was a kid I used to think that when I grew up things would be much easier because I would be in charge of my own life and people couldn't boss me around or tell me what to do. Ha! What an illusion that was. Although it's true that I don't have a lot of people telling me what to do, life's circumstances sure do dictate what I am going to have to deal with. I may not choose my circumstance, but I do have the choice to deal with my experiences in my own way. Each of us has our own "go to" strategy that we use to cope with the challenges that get thrown into our paths. Some people like to withdraw and ponder things before they are willing to share or to even face what they have to deal with. Other people need to talk things through with as many people as will listen until they hear themselves voicing their next steps. Still others have a way of processing a situation that is a balance of both. I'm a talker.
Whether we like to talk about what we're dealing with, or not, it's important that we are able to tap into a support system that allows us to be real about where we are. If a friend only wants to hear good and happy things it means that we don't get to talk about the difficulties we are experiencing. It certainly isn't helpful to only focus on the negative, but if things are really bad, we need someone to listen and to help us to cope with our experience. If things are so bad that it's too much for our friends or family, it may be time to seek out other kinds of support from professionals who know how to guide us out of our difficulties. On the other hand, a negative friend who doesn't share our hope or optimism can make us feel discouraged and hopeless. Negative energy is contagious so it's important to be around people with a positive an upbeat attitude so that we can maintain that in ourselves.
Part of having friends is sharing the triumphs and tribulations in their lives as well as sharing our own. Our relationships become rich and deep with this sharing and as we live through life's events we develop intimacy and trust. One of the challenges in living with a chronic medical condition is that it isn't easy to be there for others. The amount of emotional energy it takes to be a caring participant in a friendship can be especially challenging for folks who have limited energy and are fighting to cope and to stay positive about their own experience. When people I care for are celebrating or having a tough time, I want to be there for them in as meaningful way as they have been there for me. Our friendships need the balance of us being there for each other. It is a reality that life is never simple and it certainly isn't easy the way we may have thought about it as kids. But when we have friends to share the load, life gets just a little bit easier.
Whether we like to talk about what we're dealing with, or not, it's important that we are able to tap into a support system that allows us to be real about where we are. If a friend only wants to hear good and happy things it means that we don't get to talk about the difficulties we are experiencing. It certainly isn't helpful to only focus on the negative, but if things are really bad, we need someone to listen and to help us to cope with our experience. If things are so bad that it's too much for our friends or family, it may be time to seek out other kinds of support from professionals who know how to guide us out of our difficulties. On the other hand, a negative friend who doesn't share our hope or optimism can make us feel discouraged and hopeless. Negative energy is contagious so it's important to be around people with a positive an upbeat attitude so that we can maintain that in ourselves.
Part of having friends is sharing the triumphs and tribulations in their lives as well as sharing our own. Our relationships become rich and deep with this sharing and as we live through life's events we develop intimacy and trust. One of the challenges in living with a chronic medical condition is that it isn't easy to be there for others. The amount of emotional energy it takes to be a caring participant in a friendship can be especially challenging for folks who have limited energy and are fighting to cope and to stay positive about their own experience. When people I care for are celebrating or having a tough time, I want to be there for them in as meaningful way as they have been there for me. Our friendships need the balance of us being there for each other. It is a reality that life is never simple and it certainly isn't easy the way we may have thought about it as kids. But when we have friends to share the load, life gets just a little bit easier.
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