Day 325 - Can't Get Mistakes Out of My Head

I have great admiration for people who can let things go. I'm pretty good with most things, but if it appears that I have hurt someone's feelings, I just play the situation over and over in my mind - and I am not easy on myself. A few days ago I said something that was taken as an unjustified criticism. After a brief discussion and apologies on both sides the next day, the situation was over with, but not in my mind. Ever since the exchange I have felt guilty, remorseful and even a bit confused because it wasn't my intent to be critical. But what I know is that it doesn't matter what I think, it matters that feelings were hurt and I wanted to make things right again. Even with hugs all around and the assurance that I will work to do better in the future, I just can't get my mistake out of my head.

Stress isn't good for me and I know that worrying and persevering over my shortcomings doesn't help. I'm not a bad person and I'm not a saint either. I am probably no different than many people who muddle through with good intentions and find that their intentions don't matter as much as what is perceived by others. When I find myself in a position where I have made a mistake I add more stress to an already crummy situation by not being able to just let it go. I can remember most of my mistakes. When I know I've messed up it gets burned into my brain and I can muster up the feelings of embarrassment and disappointment in myself as if it had just happened. Carrying that kind of stress can't be a good thing, and even after having lots of practice at mistakes over many decades, I am still not very good at being able to lighten up and let things go.

Wellness happens on many levels and the ability to be kind to myself and to acknowledge that I am okay even though I am clearly imperfect, is still a tough lesson for me. Today I met a young woman whose mom has fibro, she immediately began to give me suggestions for managing my own fibro experience. For a moment I was annoyed that yet another person was going to give me medical advice, but then I realized that she was just trying to be helpful and I could let it go. From being on the receiving end of unnecessary advice, in that situation, I could put myself in the place of the person who thought I was being critical by giving a suggestion. The best I can do now is to learn from my experience and plan to do better next time. I can be sensitive to another person when making a suggestion and I can be kinder to myself when I miss the mark.