Day 330 - What are You Looking At?

This evening I had an experience that no person with a disability wants to have. I took my daughter (who I have mentioned, is multiply-handicapped) out for ice cream and to go for a little ride on a beautiful and clear summer evening. We had the windows down, the sun roof open and the music blasting. We were having a great time together and she and I were both relaxed and totally enjoying our evening. We got to the ice cream place and when we got in line to order our cones, there were two girls, about eleven or twelve years old who I noticed pointing at my daughter and giggling. I couldn't be 100% sure they were making fun of her, but I had that feeling in my gut that said that's what was happening. I gave them that mother "look" that should stop any young kid in their tracks, but although they stopped pointing, they didn't look guilty or sorry, for that matter.

 

We moved to another line and I think the conversation between the two tweenagers turned to other things. But I could still feel a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I felt so sad for my sweet and wonderful daughter that she was the butt of their jokes. As I stood there in line, processing what was going on, I realized that because I have an invisible illness, no one makes fun of me in public because of my particular limitations, but because my daughter has some special features that set her apart, she is fair game. But visible or invisible, both my daughter and I deserve respect and the freedom to go where we want to go without the discomfort of another person deciding we are "less than". I suppose I could have been more vocal with those two young ladies, but as I said, I wasn't 100% sure that their giggling was about my daughter's appearance and disability - but I am, of course, a mother and as a former classroom teacher, I do have a sense of these things.

 

I am pretty sure my observations were on-target and I wasn't over-reacting to the behavior of the two young girls. So what I did was to stand close to my daughter, with my arm around her and I kissed her on the head as we stood waiting for our turn. We continued to talk about what we wanted to order and everything was fine with us. What I wanted to show those girls, who continued to occasionally glance up at us, is that my daughter is loved and cherished. I did not want to get into an ugly exchange with those children and stoop to their level of negativity. The fact of the matter is that even though I didn't say anything out loud, they knew that I knew what they were doing. We have been in other situations where I have stepped up and said something about the rude behavior of others toward a person with a disability. But our time together was sweet and my daughter didn't notice what was happening, so I wanted to keep the evening nice for her. She deserves that, too.