Every time I think I have my "patterns" figured out, something happens that knocks my theories out the window. I had a good weekend. Two good and fun days. Saturday night I fell asleep at around eight-thirty and slept through the night. That was okay, because I needed the sleep. I woke up early Sunday morning and got my day started. I felt fine and made it through the day without feeling fatigued or limited. It felt wonderful to have a lovely day with my family! I expected that when I crawled into bed last night, sleep would come easily because my day had been full and I was legitimately tired. I did my nighttime routine, crawled under the covers and waited for sleep to come. And I waited and waited and waited. I didn't fall asleep until well after two thirty in the morning and I was exhausted. I don't understand not being able to sleep on a busier than normal day.
I slept in this morning to make up for my lost sleep but it didn't work. It was a bad day. I never made it off the couch this morning and I knew I didn't see things getting any better. But I thought that maybe if I got myself together I could go out for a couple of hours to meet a friend for lunch and redeem my day. Mistake. Big Mistake. I made it through lunch and I didn't let on to my friend that I was struggling. I finished my visit, got to my car and headed home with visions of my big ole bed dancing in my head. I got in the door, tossed down my jacket and flopped into bed and immediately fell asleep for a two hour nap. When I woke up I felt like my head was filled with cotton and I was wearing cement shoes. Not good. The evening got better but it's going to be an early night, I can tell.
It seems that there is no escape from the negative consequence of a good day, or a good weekend or lack of a good night's sleep. It made no sense to me that I had insomnia last night, but I guess that's the nature of fibro sleep. It didn't matter that I finally slept for seven hours, it didn't make up for such a late night. If I push myself on a bad day the day doesn't get better. I might get through what I need or want to do, but when my energy is gone, it's gone. There is no wishing it to be different or focusing on the positive to re-energize my body. The problem isn't in my thinking or my attitude, it's in this body that doesn't seem to be able to maintain a steady stream of energy. There are times that a busy day does me in and times that it doesn't. The ups and downs are just part of the deal. My progress is uneven and some days unpredictable, and I just need to get my head around that fact.
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