When you know better, you do better. I am still learning my lessons about living with a chronic condition. What is it about chronic that I don't understand? Well, quite a lot evidently. Somehow, I had the idea that a one year treatment protocol meant that I was going to be on a steady path of recovery, kind of like driving up the side of a mountain. After twelve months of committed effort I would find myself at a new level of robust health, with days of fatigue and pain far behind me. I think I was just a little overly optimistic. When I started treatment seven months ago, there was no small print I missed, and no written or spoken promises that I would be the picture of energy and vitality at the end of the year. I was told the truth, that I would have underlying issues uncovered and treated and my fibro and fatigue would be addressed from every possible angle. The unknown in the equation was my body's response to the treatment. In many ways I am healthier now than I was before and I am so grateful for that. The energy part though? Not so good.
Stress seems to be what does me in. I'm not talking about emotional stress or worry, I am referring to any stress that is put on my body - a bad night's sleep, a too busy day, exercise, being too cold, picking up some kind of a bug or any number of other routine daily occurrences that everybody faces that I can't seem to rebound from. Travel does it to me, shopping does it too. A day at work or a morning of laundry and straightening the house also depletes my non-existent reserve. So, what do I do now? Well, my Lady Doc has some ideas so we are off and running on a never ending quest for feeling the best I can, living with fibro. I am back on IV vitamins and now gamma globulin injections once a week to build my immunity. My cortisol has been increased as well as my replacement hormone levels. I am to religiously take my d-ribose (yuck, tastes like crap, but okay, I will) and I am having more blood drawn to see where things stand.
It is going to be a challenge to go into the city every week, but I will do what I need to do. I have been feeling a bit down on myself lately and that has got to stop. I can't add stress to my already fragile balance with unhelpful and negative self-talk. I go round and round with this sometimes. I have to be real about where I am but I also have to keep a positive and optimistic outlook if I am going to maximize the effect of all of the good things that are going into my body. One can't work against the other. I have to continue to re-define what is possible for me and to put an end to guilt and feeling like I am letting people down. My doctor reminded me once again, today, just as she did my very first visit - that my personality overshadows my illness. My upbeat attitude and zest for life, can cause me to have unrealistic expectations of myself and for others to expect too much from me. She even told me that I could not do any more phone consultations because over the phone I sound strong and lively, and she doesn't get a realistic picture of where I really am. Got it. So, another day. Another lesson. Another opportunity.
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