Today was a really good, busy, tiring, gotta do it all again tomorrow, kind of a day. I had a six hour meeting and by the afternoon I felt myself fading a bit (mmm, make that a lot). Anyway, my work team is all kinds of smart and I have to be on my toes to deal with what comes up at our meetings. At the same time I am energized and inspired by their dedication, passion, motivation and leadership. I don't want to let them down. We ended the day with an early dinner and I headed home. As soon as I got into my car and knew I pushed too hard. I figured I had to eat dinner anyway, so I might as well go out with the group. Not such a good idea, as it turned out. I drove home, walked in the door, got into my jammies and hit the couch. I've been sick to my stomach so I hope it was just something I ate. Ugh.
One thing that always thrills and amazes me about continuing to work is how much energy I can "borrow" from my team. They are so positive and upbeat it's hard to feel sick around them. They inspire me to continue to work and to draw on my reserves to bring my best game. It doesn't seem to matter to them that I have my down days because when I'm down they lift me up, They aren't always right next to me, but I feel their support. I am so blessed to have such genuinely caring professionals to work with and I am sure that if I was working anywhere else I would have stepped down long ago.
A day like today is fun and invigorating and I hardly pay attention to how I feel or how much reserve I have left. It is the kind of work day that makes me use my skills and when I'm in the midst of it I feel strong and relevant. There are so many days I just crash on the couch with my hair looking all ratty and nasty, wearing sweats and no makeup and feeling like something the cat dragged in. When I get myself all put together and go into the office, I know I have to be responsible to others and I find energy I didn't know I had. But then comes the down side - that sick-tired feeling that goes beyond exhaustion. It's like there is nothing left - not even enough to sit up straight or carry on a conversation. But tomorrow I'll do this again and I have to say I am looking forward to it - I just plan to crash the minute I get home again. It's worth the trade-off every now and then.
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