Day 208 - What Was, What Could Be, and What Is

There is value in looking back as long as I don't spend too much time in the past. Every moment I spend re-living my past is a moment robbed from the present. Reflection is a good thing, happy memories are a treat and learning from my past, or exploring the past to make the present better are all worthwhile endeavors. When I hear myself think or say, " I used to be able to...", I know it's time to pull myself back to this moment. I've learned lots of hard lessons in my life and my philosophy has been to remember the lesson and let go of the experience. That's been a helpful filter for keeping me from dwelling on what was, and moving into what is and what might be.

 

Even projecting into the future isn't enormously helpful if I want to have a peace-filled and balanced life. I can plan all I want, but I never know what the next minute of my life will bring - but really - who does? I can predict what may happen next based on past experiences and patterns, but living in the future, just like the past, robs me of the present. So where does that leave me? Well, right smack dab in the here and now. I've always been fascinated by the fact that the present is really just a breath and as soon as I recognize it, it is already behind me. We have words that generally describe living in the present such as now, today, at this time, forthwith (fancy - huh) and currently. But each moment goes by in a flash - now is so fleeting.

 

So why all this examination of being in the present? I think it's because I continue to develop an increasing appreciation for all of my moments - good, bad or otherwise. I determine the quality of each moment and my day. Bad day on the couch - I've got a comfy one in a warm and pretty home. A headache - good meds and a job that allows me the flexibility to take care of myself if I can't get to work. Stuck at home alone - there's the computer, TV, phone, books, snacks and my pets. Every moment has value. I may have to search a bit or settle for a small token of good in some situations, but the value is there. Some days I struggle to stay in my day and not wish for something different. Other days I may spend time reminiscing about what I used to do and where I could have been, were it not for fibro and it's complications. When that happens I do an attitude adjustment and instead of focusing on what was or what I wish could be, I fill my days with what is and see where that takes me.