Day 50 - Working it Out

There are a few foods that I just can't even think of eating. Lima beans top the list. Just the thought of eating them makes my mouth go dry and I can break into a cold sweat. There isn't anything you can do to convince me that I should eat one of those nasty little things. It makes me shudder when I remember the times my Dad concoct a gigantic pot of lima bean soup. My dad rarely cooked, but every once in a while he would go into the kitchen and take it over. The contents of that pot lasted for days and every one of those days I would just dread dinner time. We sat down for supper and he dished out a healthy-sized portion for each of us. Then I would sit at the table and stare it down, and refuse to put one spoonful in my mouth. It became a battle of will and there I would sit until bedtime with a cold, green slimy bowl of that sludge staring right back at me. I can't explain my hatred of a little green bean, but I must confess I am not very open-minded when it comes to giving it another chance. I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it!

As I look back on those days that I sat for for endless hours refusing to eat, I wonder if I was stubborn or I just had the courage of my convictions. I think it's important that I feel the freedom to acknowledge my likes or dislikes and that I feel comfortable in offering my point of view. I like to know what others think and want to hear what they have to say. But on the other hand, I know that on some issues I cannot be swayed. Clearly it was a problem for my parents for me to refuse to eat. It did not go over well and they had the upper hand and let me know it, but the truth is they couldn't make me eat that soup - they could only make my life miserable if I didn't. I like to think of myself as being flexible and cooperative, but maybe I'm that way most when it is convenient or easy, and I get a little less flexible and open-minded when it doesn't make sense to me or when it works against my wants, needs or desires. Maybe, like my parents and the lima bean soup stand-off, I wanted to get my way. The problem is, so did they. It makes me wonder when taking a stance turns into digging in our heels. In the lima bean instance neither of us would budge.

I think the people who are now closest to me, understand me and we can usually work things out without too much drama. It's not as easy in relationships where there is less emotional investment and attachment. Resolving issues with different agendas, points of view, wants, needs or desires can get pretty complicated and challenging. What I am willing to do is to see those instances through as a process, rather than an event. Not every challenge can be met in the first attempt. No matter who is right, I can let go for now and come back to it at another time when it might make better sense to create a solution or make a decision. But I still won't eat lima beans.