Tonight we are supposed to go to an event celebrating the accomplishments of a good friend. We committed to this weeks ago and I hate to say it, but I just can't go. I know it isn't until later today, but I already know this is not a weekend for me to push. I usually work just three days a week, so Monday and Friday are my re-energizing days - Friday is to recover from three days on the go. Monday is for my recovery from the weekend and to get to feeling better before I have to show up at my desk again. Last weekend was rough. I spent a lot of time on the couch, including both Monday and Friday. Yesterday, I never got out of my jammies and last night I fell asleep on the couch, and slept there through the night. I woke up this morning feeling just as crummy as I did all day yesterday. Are you kidding me? Geez.
So why describe this litany of misery? Well, I don't think people really know what goes into a decision when I have to say no to something I promised I'd do. It's not easy. I don't want to disappoint my friend and I was looking forward to seeing him and his wife. I was also looking forward to an evening of some good food and dancing with my hubby. I hate canceling on him again, as well. Every time I back out of something he is impacted, and I worry sometimes that I am just a big ole drag of a wife. On a more practical level, I already put the cost of the event on our credit card so we are spending money to stay home. I know from having events of my own, having people show up is important and I will go on the no-show list. I feel badly about that, but I just can't do what I can't do.
Making a decision based only on my energy level today isn't the whole story. I am clear in knowing that if I push myself to go to a party tonight, it won't be good for me tomorrow, or the next day for that matter. Add to the mix the fact that I have a three day conference to attend for work next week, and I feel like I am being pushed to my limit. I am feeling very frustrated. I want to have fun and get out of the house and I want to do my best at work. I want to be a good spouse, mother, and friend. I want to do my hobbies and go on dates with my hubby. I want to enjoy vacations and week-end get-aways without spending my days watching other people being active and engaged. I want to get back to exercising the way I used to and re-claim my body. I want more than what I have right this minute. So now the work begins. I have to get my head and heart around this. Just because this is my situation now, it doesn't mean it will be forever. I can not like what's happening today, but I can still stay optimistic about my future. Today I know I can accept the way it is, living with fibro, but not succumb to it. I can say no to a party tonight but then say yes to my plan for wellness.
So why describe this litany of misery? Well, I don't think people really know what goes into a decision when I have to say no to something I promised I'd do. It's not easy. I don't want to disappoint my friend and I was looking forward to seeing him and his wife. I was also looking forward to an evening of some good food and dancing with my hubby. I hate canceling on him again, as well. Every time I back out of something he is impacted, and I worry sometimes that I am just a big ole drag of a wife. On a more practical level, I already put the cost of the event on our credit card so we are spending money to stay home. I know from having events of my own, having people show up is important and I will go on the no-show list. I feel badly about that, but I just can't do what I can't do.
Making a decision based only on my energy level today isn't the whole story. I am clear in knowing that if I push myself to go to a party tonight, it won't be good for me tomorrow, or the next day for that matter. Add to the mix the fact that I have a three day conference to attend for work next week, and I feel like I am being pushed to my limit. I am feeling very frustrated. I want to have fun and get out of the house and I want to do my best at work. I want to be a good spouse, mother, and friend. I want to do my hobbies and go on dates with my hubby. I want to enjoy vacations and week-end get-aways without spending my days watching other people being active and engaged. I want to get back to exercising the way I used to and re-claim my body. I want more than what I have right this minute. So now the work begins. I have to get my head and heart around this. Just because this is my situation now, it doesn't mean it will be forever. I can not like what's happening today, but I can still stay optimistic about my future. Today I know I can accept the way it is, living with fibro, but not succumb to it. I can say no to a party tonight but then say yes to my plan for wellness.
Tough decison-right choice...I'm not there yet
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