Day 57 - Using my Strength to Battle My Weakness

When I was little, I had a baby doll that I adored. I only had one teensy little problem. I could never remember what I named her. So, every day I had to come up with a new name. I laughed when I thought about that when I was about to have my first baby. Geez, I'm her mom - what if I couldn't remember what we named her? How embarrassing would that be? It was only one of a million tiny little details that I worried about as a new mom. As my precious daughter started to grow into herself and become an individual and my confidence began to grow, someone said to me, "Ahhh, just wait, little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. You'll see." Was that supposed to make me feel better about all of the insecurities I had birthed along with my daughter? Not helpful, but I must admit I heard that same statement time and again.

Now I'm thinking that statement wasn't necessarily about my daughter growing up and creating bigger problem for me to have to address with her as a parent - maybe it is a message for ME and my soul growth and evolvement as a woman, mother, wife, colleague and friend. Maybe as I get "bigger", so do the issues I have to grapple with. Life, as it has unfolded for me, has been rich in experiences that cause me to have to use my "bigger self" to resolve. Maybe as I grow intellectually, spiritually and emotionally I become ready for greater challenges and then life just plops those lessons in my lap. Maybe I get the lessons because I need another growth spurt!

Life can sure throw some pretty big stuff at us and, like you, I've had my share of things I have had to heal, get over, work through or resign myself to. I wish I could say life has been a wispy dream of one lovely moment leading into another filled with beauty, simplicity, ease and bliss. But is just ain't so. Life has been wonderful, but it's been messy and full of stuff I've needed to figure out or wrap my head around before I could move forward. It took me a while to get there, but I finally learned that those difficult and messy times weren't the exceptions in life - they were part of the complex fabric of my being. That all of those wretched, painful, and complicated situations that lead to my soul searching, and finally healing and growth, were exactly what life is about. If I never had to meet a challenge, face a problem or meet a deadline, how was I supposed to test my abilities or know my strength? How else could I be so sure that I am on the right track in my healing and in my determination to put my life back together. It is that resolve that is going to make fibro a little problem in my life instead of a big one!