"You can't come over today because I'm going to be cooking sausage". That may be the best reason I've ever heard for someone declining a visit. But at least it's an excuse. "I was late because traffic was a mess". That one is pretty good - and might even be true. Or how about, "Our plans changed and we are going to be away this weekend". That one works for me. The previous statements helped the people delivering them get themselves out of a sticky social situation, or gave them a reason for not getting together. We are used to those social niceties and almost expect that when someone cancels on us, shows up late, or doesn't want to get together, they will have a reason and it makes everyone feel a little better when it has been expressed.
Over the years I just can't even count the number of times I've begged off, cut out, arrived late or simply forgotten a social engagement. It is really hard for me to have to keep saying, maybe, we'll see, can I let you know later or just plain, no. I have been out with a friends and have had the energy drain right out of me and have had to leave. I've canceled dinner plans at the last minute because I couldn't muster up the energy to get there, I've made promises that I have had to break and I won't do that anymore. No promises, just loose plans. My family and a few close friends are really good about this and my colleagues at work seem to be too. But there are times when I just want to do nothing because for me, doing nothing is doing something! When I am on the couch I am resting, recuperating, or getting my energy back. I'm not flat out because I want to be - I would much rather be out having fun or at least hanging out at home doing something I enjoy.
We live in a very busy culture and it seems the busier we are, the more important we appear. It proves we are in demand and desirable. It means we have friends and interests and we are in the mix. When someone squeezes us in for coffee we feel lucky to have found the time. Busyness can be good for us and so can doing nothing, and either one in the extreme certainly can cause a problem. I am making peace with my pace and making sure I make time to do the really important things I have to do with enough energy left to get to the things I want to do. It's all up to me how I frame this and how I strike that balance. I want the people I care about to know that it isn't about them when we don't get together - it's about me and I'm working really hard to put that distance between us in the past. Once I do that, it will be time to get together. No excuses and I'll be there on time!
Over the years I just can't even count the number of times I've begged off, cut out, arrived late or simply forgotten a social engagement. It is really hard for me to have to keep saying, maybe, we'll see, can I let you know later or just plain, no. I have been out with a friends and have had the energy drain right out of me and have had to leave. I've canceled dinner plans at the last minute because I couldn't muster up the energy to get there, I've made promises that I have had to break and I won't do that anymore. No promises, just loose plans. My family and a few close friends are really good about this and my colleagues at work seem to be too. But there are times when I just want to do nothing because for me, doing nothing is doing something! When I am on the couch I am resting, recuperating, or getting my energy back. I'm not flat out because I want to be - I would much rather be out having fun or at least hanging out at home doing something I enjoy.
We live in a very busy culture and it seems the busier we are, the more important we appear. It proves we are in demand and desirable. It means we have friends and interests and we are in the mix. When someone squeezes us in for coffee we feel lucky to have found the time. Busyness can be good for us and so can doing nothing, and either one in the extreme certainly can cause a problem. I am making peace with my pace and making sure I make time to do the really important things I have to do with enough energy left to get to the things I want to do. It's all up to me how I frame this and how I strike that balance. I want the people I care about to know that it isn't about them when we don't get together - it's about me and I'm working really hard to put that distance between us in the past. Once I do that, it will be time to get together. No excuses and I'll be there on time!
You can always count on me to understand. And, you can always count on me to help others understand as well. Taking care of yourself is the number one priority these days, so you can say at 365 days "I did it!" Love you.
ReplyDelete