Day 39 - Me, Myself and I - Perfect Together

For as long as I can remember I've enjoyed being alone. I remember when I got my first car. The realization that I finally had some independence and a way to escape everything and everyone was intoxicating! I could get into my car and go where I wanted to go, when I wanted to go, and come back when I pleased (except for the curfew thing, but that's for another pondering). I loved my Blue Beetle and in addition to being a hub of socializing, it took me to places where I could be alone with myself and re-group. I remember going to the beach in winter, and as I walked in the sand, I worked myself thorugh my melancholy. Or, I drove to a nearby park, sat in my car, and looked over the river where we skated when I was little, nostalgic for a happier time. I liked driving alone at night - I would roll down the windows and ride in silence while I drank in the night air. Or I would turn on the radio and my favorite music played as the backdrop for my thoughts. When I was out and about in my car I was alone, but I wasn't lonely. I had my thoughts, dreams, memories and plans to keep me company.

There have been times in my life that I felt like I was always surrounded by people. It seemed I never had a break, there was always  someone who needed me for one thing or another. Back then I had to get creative about carving out some time for myself and it felt like a luxury to find a few minutes to be alone. Now I know living with fibro means that I have to find strategies for increasing my energy and for keeping me from getting depleted. My alone time is part of my self-care and if it is important to me I am the one that needs to make sure it happens!

I need to find time each day to be by myself, to quiet my mind or to allow my thoughts to drift where they may. I need time where I don't have to meet anyone else's needs or answer anyone's questions. I love to be alone at home and I even notice a difference when my big ole dog isn't in the house. There is a stillness and a quiet that feeds my soul. If I go a few days without any time for myself, I feel the difference. I start to feel like I've lost my reserve of social energy and I get edgy and irritable.  I need a bit of mental and emotional space. Even if I just run a hot bath and take thirty minutes to disconnect from everything, I feel renewed. I find that my alone time re-charges my batteries and I can take on more of life when I've given myself that time. In those moments of solitude me, myself and I is plenty of socializing for me.