Day 35 - Forgiveness - Giving, Getting and Letting Go

Forgiveness is a real challenge, but one that is worth facing. At a workshop on forgiveness I was guided through a meditation that asked me to select a person I wanted to forgive. So I picked someone I had worked with who did some pretty dishonest things and hurt me and others in the process. So I was to picture this person swinging on a swing and when she went back I was to say to myself. "I release you to your highest good". And when she swung forward, "I release myself to my highest good." It sounded reasonable and it might get me there, to that elusive place called forgiveness, so I was willing to give it a go.

So, I relaxed my body, cleared my mind, and got myself into the meditation, swinging this woman back and forth, back and forth. Well, about the fifth time swinging, this gigantic pair of scissors appeared in my meditation and clipped the rope she was swinging from and she landed in a heap on the ground. End of meditation! I was horrified! What kind of person could even think of that! After the exercise, we were asked to share our experiences. Person after person talked about the release they felt in moving another step closer to forgiving someone. My head was spinning with, "Should I share, or not, yes or no, yes or no". I felt like the least spiritual person in the room. But, I shared. And it was okay. Because forgiveness can be a process and not an event and I was one step closer than I had been before we started.

If I have felt wronged, or hurt, or disappointed it's up to me to get right with myself. The other person isn't in my head or heart and may not even know that I'm in that struggle. I do forgiveness for myself. It frees my heart to be open. It clears my emotions from junk that I would have to carry around (sometimes for years) and it helps me to be kinder to myself and others when they mess up. When I think of forgiveness I'm not saying to forget what happened and let the person off the hook. We need to be accountable for our actions and to do right by others. For me, I have to forget about the details of what happened and LEARN from it. How can I interact with this person in a healthier way, can I look at their point of view and at least understand their perspective? How can stand up for myself better or be more self-protective or have better boundaries? I know that when a loved one, friend, or colleague forgives me my mistakes, I feel blessed. We all mess up. We all do. Forgiveness isn't easy but I'm willing to keep working on it.