I have a friend from way back in high school. We never really get to see one another, but after connecting up again said, "Even though we don't get together, it's nice to know somebody out there "gets me". It's such a basic thing - to be understood. We want our intentions to be clear, our actions accurately interpreted and our feelings understood. We want others to share our joy and support us when we are in pain. We want to be able to do the emotional short hand with others that creates an "I get that" that allows us to just relax and lean into the moment. (I think my dog gets me - but that's for another day).
There have been countless times when I've said something, done something or felt something that was totally misunderstood, and I am sure others have felt the same coming from me. It is so incredibly frustrating to be mis-understood. When my intentions are good and another person just sees my mistake, I feel deflated. When I think I have done the right thing and someone else was happy with a short-cut, and is ticked off at me for making things complicated, I feel discouraged. When I am working on one of my (seemingly endless) issues and still don't get something quite right and then get attacked for it, I feel incompetent.
If we can attach a feeling to the issue that isn't understood, we can sensitize each other to really listen beyond words and actions. Few of us start our day gleefully stating, "Well, today is a great day for me to really screw things up, irritate my family, annoy my friends and alienate the folks I work with!" Instead we wake up, get our day going and hope for the best. Maybe there is a step I can add to the preparation for my day that includes setting an intention to be more open in both my listening and my expression. I can ask how someone is feeling in a situation and not just deal with the "facts" I think I understand. Maybe I can share my feelings instead of defending my position. Maybe I can set an intention to soften my exchanges and not allow annoyance and anger to drive the conversation. I can't control the way others communicate with me, but I can control the way I communicate with them.
I am a work in progress and I sometimes don't even "get" myself - why did I say or so what I just did? Aargh. So, how can I ask others to "get" me when I'm still trying to understand myself? What's surprising and amazing is that I can learn form others about who I am when they see something in me that I don't see clearly. Only I can know my intentions, and intention counts, but the way I operate in the world is open to interpretation. My journey is to be open to seeing beyond what I think I understand about myself and others. It's a tall order, but it's part of my overall wellness and certainly an energy booster when I can resolve differences with those around in me in a way that is honest and affirming.
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