There's often a fine line between what I want to do and what I have to do. I used to think of the "have to's" as the less desirable tasks of life, as in - I have to pay bills, clean the kitchen, do laundry, go to the bank, get to a meeting and on and on. The "want to's" were - visit my daughters, go out to eat, go antiquing, do a creative project or go to a party. With fibro, it's all turned upside down. Now everything seems to go into the "have to" column because I have to think about how much I can do in a day and the fun stuff often feels like a responsibility or added task rather than a fun escape. I know it's better to focus on the "want to" part of it - but when I'm dragging it all feels like a lot of work!
So what's the upside to this shift of "want to's" over to "have to"? Well, I sure do choose what I do more carefully and have gotten much better at saying "no, thank you". I Have to prioritize my days and make sure I have down time built in so I can re-group. If I have to go to a wedding - that's my activity for the day. If I've made the social commitment, then I need to plan around it so I can go and have a good time. If I have to attend a meeting or a get- together, I make sure to leave plenty of time ahead of the event to have a bit of a rest before I get ready to go out. I do my best to follow through on the commitments I make, and sometimes it just isn't possible. So when I have to cancel, I try to do it without a lot of fanfare. I just say I'm having a bad day and then let go of the guilt and frustration.
Life needs a bit of flavor and the things I want to do need to be as important as the things I have to do. One of my goals in creating more wellness in my life is to continue to re-frame my thinking so that the plans I make feel energizing and something to look forward to rather than something to dread. I can't do everything but I can do some things. I may not be able to visit every antique store in a favorite little town - but I can sure get to a few. If I visit my aging mother it's for thirty minutes instead of an afternoon. Maybe I don't go out to eat dinner with friends because it is a long drawn-out event - but getting together for coffee and a few laughs is a great alternative. I'm a responsible person and the tasks for keeping my life in order get done. Maybe not exactly on time, or with the attention to detail they used to get, but well enough!
A balanced life honors and respects the need to have some sense of self-determination. A chronic illness can seem to take that away, especially when things that I want to do get canceled out because my condition. I shift into "have to" thinking and I struggle to get to the must do list and wind up spending lots of energy on things that don't feed my soul. That's when I need an attitude adjustment and get back to a balance in my life that honors my deep desire for fun, socializing, exercise, and creative expression. I can choose to want to do all the things on my balanced list and see them as contributing to my comfort, sense of peace, feeling of accomplishment and an overall satisfaction with the life I'm living. I don't have to do that - I GET to, and I can approach all the stuff on my "to do" list with all the energy I can muster!
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