I started my medical leave a week ago today. I have already been asked if I see a difference in not working. It's only been a week, so I don't expect to see much of a change, but I was grateful not to have to go into the office today. It was a lost day spent drifting in and out of sleep until I finally had to get up and go over to my daughter's to help her out. I probably shouldn't have gone, but after spending a day alone I looked forward to some company. Plus, the end of the day is usually when I feel my best. Maybe it's from resting all day or maybe I just get a burst of energy because that's the way my body-clock works. I'm not sure, But between four in the afternoon and about nine at night, I am at my best. I'm not an early bird and I'm not a night owl. I'm some where in the middle and I have no idea what critter describes my best time of day.
The way it's shaping up, it looks like I have a good day followed by a bad one, in an every other day pattern. I think that what I am going to have to experiment with is whether any activity at all causes a crash. I don't have anything planned for tomorrow, but I do have to go into the city on Thursday for another doctor visit. The trips into the city are challenging, but it is worth it to have such excellent treatment. A friend asked if I could have the treatment here, near home, or if I have to be in the city to get what I need. I will ask the doctor about that when I see her. I don't guess she is the only physician to do intravenous supplements or the kind of injections she gives me, so I suppose it's a possibility. There is something about making the commitment to my treatment and following through that I am not going to mess with, so we'll see.
I'm not sure exactly how I expect to feel during this leave of absence. Certainly I hope to feel better, but I'm not sure how that is going to evolve. Will it happens gradually with part of each day being a bit better? Will it show up as a string of good days followed by fewer bad ones? Will I start to know that I am getting well because I wake up in the morning feeling like I've had a good night's sleep instead of like I haven't slept a wink? Am I going to know when I am as well as I'm going to be? Who knows. I just know that whenever I do anything I feel lousy. And if I don't do anything, I feel lousy anyway. It's ironic that I don't have to do anything to feel crummy and I can do plenty to feel better and still I don't. For now, it's about patience and perseverance. It's about hanging in there and staying optimistic even when it doesn't look like I'm making progress. For now my progress may feel slow, but I am going to pay attention to the signs that I am on the right track.
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