When it comes right down to it, things work better when they are in balance. Whether it's a balanced diet, a balanced budget or the physical balance that comes from being sure footed, when there is balance there is a sense of stability and equilibrium, of harmony and of things being just right. Striking a balance between what I want to do and what I need to do is a challenge. I have been fighting to find my equilibrium in this fibro challenge for a long time. Some days it feels more in balance than on other days. It seems there are lots of things I have to balance, not the least of which is the time I spend alone, with the time I spend with others.
I have never spent this much time alone. For one thing, having a career means spending time at work and relating to co-corkers for a good part of my day. If I get lonesome, I can pop my head out of my office to get some face time. When I was at home when my kids were small, I was part of a very active group of young mothers and we got together all the time. Throughout my life I have made the choice to spend time alone. It wasn't imposed on me the way it has been dealing with my bad days with fibro. I have never minded being alone and when I used to travel for business, I cherished my nights alone in a hotel as I way to regroup and re-energize. Now that I am planning to be home recuperating, I am faced with the challenge of balancing my time, home alone, between resting and recharging with my social and emotional needs. I don't want to be endlessly stuck in the house by myself.
It's been a long while since I've gotten together with a couple of girlfriends just to sit and chat and be together. I met with two dear friends for lunch and we had a lovely time chatting away and just being there for each other. It was easy and relaxed and I am sure the time I spent with them was as healing and nurturing as an afternoon resting on the couch. Whenever I make plans, my friends and loved ones know that I may or may not be well enough to show up, so the plans for today were not certain. As usual, my morning was rough. I decided not to think about whether or not I would be able to meet my friends, I just took it slow and let my day unfold gently. I certainly wanted to go out for a while and enjoy myself - my friendships give my life balance, dimension and meaning - so this was important to me. Our time together wasn't about me or my fibro, it was just about three women sharing, listening and being there for each other.
I have a difficult time striking a balance between what I need to do abd what I want to do. It can be disheartning but it is what it is and coming to terms with that helps me cope.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point. Coming to terms with "what is" helps to frame decisions so we can make our best choice. Every day is new opportunity to see things as they are, rather than how we wish them to be. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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