Day 1 - Out of the Fog

Off to the doctor's office on Long Island and right on through my least favorite stretch of highway in the world - the Cross Bronx Expressway. I have to do this every time? Ugh. Met my Lady Doc - and she is fabulous - a real brainy-brain with a crisp and edgy humor that made me feel very comfortable. She seems both kind and no-nonsense and I like that. We got a lot done in the two hours I was at the office. Definitely worth the nearly 90 minute trip. I woke up feeling tired and not really wanting to drive into the city - when I was in the waiting room I was falling asleep and my first few minutes with her I couldn't get my thoughts straight or remember the details she was asking me about. Then of course I got teary when I talked about lost friendships and the changes in my life and my work. After a while I got really engaged with the questions she was asking and the connections I was making to the way I feel.

This condition is tough to live with and what's really tough is that I "clean up good". The doc even said it was harder for an attractive (thanks for the compliment) put-together woman to have fibro because it is so easily masked with some make-up and a confident presence. I told her that I felt guilty saying I wasn't doing well after someone went on and on about how great I'm looking and I MUST be doing better. When that happens I feel like their expectations don't match what I can deliver! The fact that my Lady Doc is smart, attractive energetic and an over-all dynamo didn't quite fit with the fact that SHE has fibro and is fighting the same battle I fight every day.

Lady Doc reminded me of myself in my thirties. I was full of excitement about life, my kids, my career and my future. But, I knew something was off - so many lost days when after teaching I couldn't get myself moving and needed a day literally on the couch to be ready for the next. I had wandering pains, migraines, digestive problems and a sense that other people could always get more done than I could. I tested positive for a form of Lupus - mixed connective tissue disease but no one ever treated it, just said I had it. So most of what went on, I blamed on that. I was diagnosed with fibro and chronic fatigue in 2002 and after seeing tons of different docs over the years, I feel like I am home. I am filled with so much optimism that I do believe that after this one year plan is through I will have my life back.

The beginning of the plan is to start me on mega-vitamins and supplements and do blood work for over 40 markers - everything from soup to nuts! I will get those results in early September. I will schedule the blood work and also get a bone density test done and forward all the results of tests I've had over the past year. This assessment is thorough! I am excited about this journey. I have a workbook to read and I started it in the car on my way to my 6th anniversary celebration with my hubby. This one year commitment is not for the meek of heart. It's a commitment to my recovery and reclamation of the life I used to live and love. I am ready and I will need the support of my friends and loved ones. Here I go.....