Arguments are not fun and they do not make people feel better about themselves or each other when they are in the middle of a battle. Fighting to the death over little things can mean the death of a relationship. Proving how right you are can put you in the position of being right all by yourself. That's not much fun either. We all find ourselves in a tussle now and then and in some ways it's healthy to address issues when they arise. When we deal with the little things in a healthy way, we clear the air and leave room for more and better communication.
There's a difference though when you have to deal with an angry person. That's someone who seems to live their life looking for a way to be offended. I come across some of those folks in my life and they suck the joy and energy right out of me. I know one person who blames everyone else for their problems. Another person just whacks away at people until they cry uncle, another does the silent treatment, another gets all snappy and self-righteous. Most of those people spend a lot more time taking than they do listening (well, except for the one that goes silent). And, you know what? Not everything has to turn into an argument!
A few people I know do 'ticked off" pretty well - they say what they have to say in an honest and direct way and then look to have a conversation to resolve the issue. It still takes effort with those folks to get things resolved, but it's a good energy that doesn't leave others so hurt and wounded. I continue to look for ways to express myself in a healthy way when I am in conflict with another. It's not easy when emotions are high, but I do my best to get to the point and not annihilate the other person in the process. Dealing with anger is part of life and we who have limited energy do well to steer clear of people who get satisfaction out of being angry. It's important to do our own emotional homework to make sure we can address issues with friends, co-workers and loved ones honestly, directly and without depleting our reserves.
Love this post! I love relationships that are clean and healthy, and surround myself with those who are liked minded. I feel sad about relationship that remains unresolved, particularly when I have done what I can and get "silent treatment" in response... no dialogue means no resolution. I feel very good about the fact that you and I can talk until we hear each other, then take it from there. Love you!
ReplyDeleteKathleen