I call adrenaline my "fake energy". I can do amazing things when I am running on adrenaline. I felt it the other day when I was running an important meeting. I was fired up about the program we were discussing, confident in what I was bringing to the discussion, and engaged in the decision-making process. All systems were GO! When I got up to get ready for work that morning, I could already feel the effects of the excitement on my body. I moved a little quicker and things didn't take as long to get done, I was able to put any physical discomfort on the back burner and stay fully in the moment as I anticipated the meeting. I got out the door earlier than usual, as well. It is during those times is when I think people most question my condition. How can a person who is so animated and focused be sick? How is it possible that this person can't work a full week when it is clear she has lots of energy when she "chooses" to.
Those are fair and reasonable questions. A colleague at the meeting who knows me pretty well, and has seen me crash after doing too much, expressed that I sure had a lot of energy at this meeting. This person was genuinely interested in how it is that I can pull off a meeting like I did and not appear to have any limitations. Ahhh, I explained, that's adrenaline! I explained that typically I burn whatever energy my body has to offer - I use up the fuel and I get tired, just like everyone else. Or, I have to re-fuel multiple times (with healthy foods, supplements or a rest time) to get through my day. Everybody else re-fuels, too, but I don't have much of an energy reserve. Or, there it seems there isn't any fuel available to me to burn and that's a crash day.
So what happens when my adrenaline kicks in? Well, I think of it as a car that doesn't have much gas, but is at the top of a hill. Once the car crests at the top the "adrenaline" kicks in and the car easily goes down the hill. Problem is, there is nothing left to get back up the next hill. That's the fake part of adrenaline for me - I go fast, and a long distance, but I'm not burning fuel, I'm simply riding the momentum of my excitement and engagement with adrenaline pumping through my body. My cousin and I both have fibro and we always seem to sit together at family events and compare notes. The last event was her daughter's wedding. We were dancing and laughing, saying, "Boy are we going to pay for this tomorrow, but who cares - let's enjoy this!". And we danced and each had a great time, carried along by the celebration and joy in the room. Adrenaline doesn't kick in for putting out the garbage unless I'm about to miss the truck, or grocery shopping unless I'm racing to finish before the doors close. It has to be something with some immediacy or novelty to get those chemicals pumping. So trust that when I am on that adrenaline high, it's still me with fibro.
Those are fair and reasonable questions. A colleague at the meeting who knows me pretty well, and has seen me crash after doing too much, expressed that I sure had a lot of energy at this meeting. This person was genuinely interested in how it is that I can pull off a meeting like I did and not appear to have any limitations. Ahhh, I explained, that's adrenaline! I explained that typically I burn whatever energy my body has to offer - I use up the fuel and I get tired, just like everyone else. Or, I have to re-fuel multiple times (with healthy foods, supplements or a rest time) to get through my day. Everybody else re-fuels, too, but I don't have much of an energy reserve. Or, there it seems there isn't any fuel available to me to burn and that's a crash day.
So what happens when my adrenaline kicks in? Well, I think of it as a car that doesn't have much gas, but is at the top of a hill. Once the car crests at the top the "adrenaline" kicks in and the car easily goes down the hill. Problem is, there is nothing left to get back up the next hill. That's the fake part of adrenaline for me - I go fast, and a long distance, but I'm not burning fuel, I'm simply riding the momentum of my excitement and engagement with adrenaline pumping through my body. My cousin and I both have fibro and we always seem to sit together at family events and compare notes. The last event was her daughter's wedding. We were dancing and laughing, saying, "Boy are we going to pay for this tomorrow, but who cares - let's enjoy this!". And we danced and each had a great time, carried along by the celebration and joy in the room. Adrenaline doesn't kick in for putting out the garbage unless I'm about to miss the truck, or grocery shopping unless I'm racing to finish before the doors close. It has to be something with some immediacy or novelty to get those chemicals pumping. So trust that when I am on that adrenaline high, it's still me with fibro.
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