When my older daughter was young, we used to take her to the roller rink every Saturday morning. She absolutely loved it and I did, too. Sometimes I skated and other times I watched, but it was part of our routine for a number of years. She made friends there and there was a group of ladies that would sit around and have coffee together while the kids did their thing. One Saturday I had a raging migraine. I was single at the time so I told my daughter she couldn't skate that week, because I had such a bad headache. I could see how disappointed she was by the look on her face. She said, "That's okay Mommy, I hope you feel better" and she walked slowly out of my bedroom. She was so sweet about it and handled the situation with such kindness that I got myself out of bed and told her that because she had been so good about hearing, "no" that I was changing my answer to "yes". We went skating.
My girls are all grown up now and I've got my younger daughter home with me this weekend for a visit and after a long hard week it feels very difficult to meet her needs. My daughter (who lives in a group home) is an early riser which means I was up early, too. Yuck. My hubby was off taking the dog out for his weekend play time at the dog park so it was just me and my daughter. I struggle to get much of anything done early in the morning and my daughter is usually filled with a zillion questions and she needs help with just about everything she wants or needs to do. I did the good mom thing and soldiered through, once again. Next thing I knew, she was dozing on the couch. I stole some time getting things done around the house. Big mistake. By late morning I was in major crash mode and since she's been fighting a cold, we both decided to stretch out on the couch and rest a bit. Three hours later we both woke up. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, but a quick shower and I was up again, ready to take on what came next. I think I've recovered from my crash.
Part of being a parent is making the sacrifice to take care of your child's needs, even if your own needs aren't being met. That's just life. The hardest part for me is just the sheer effort it takes to push back the fatigue and sick feeling I get when I need to crash. But I just can't crash if my daughter needs me. And since she needs me a lot when she's home, I have to plan carefully to make sure my hubby can pick up the slack and that I have some kind of a back-up plan if things are really going poorly for me. Emotionally I don't mind the sacrifices I make for my kids one little bit, but physically, I just can't do what I can't do. There have been times that I really don't know how I got through the day. But somehow, as a Mom, I do what I have to do. And somehow, all of us Moms find a way to be there for our kids. It may not be exactly the way we'd like it to be, but our kids know we love them and that's what matters the most.
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