Day 195 - Learning to Accept and Not Succumb

When my daughter was born with multiple medical and developmental challenges, I was brought to my knees. I was only in my twenties and I wondered how I could ever manage all her needs and do it well. I was overwhelmed by the negative prognosis and wondered if she would live to celebrate each next birthday. She has a rare disorder that challenges her in all aspects of her life, but she never gives up and never gives in. When she was very small, just an infant in fact, I decided that I would accept that she was specially challenged but I would never succumb to her syndrome and make it define our lives with sadness or despair. We just kept putting one foot in front of the next and weeks turned to months, and months turned to years, and she is still going strong.

I have to be just as strong when it comes to my own medical issues. I can accept what is happening and learn about what I can do to make things the best they can be, but I will not succumb to fibro and fatigue. I am more than my challenges and my potential is still limitless, within a slightly different range. I just need to respect my body and choose activities that are manageable. I might not be able to take endless walks on the beach, but I can sit by the water and enjoy the waves. If I don't have the energy to go out to a nice restaurant - take out from a great spot and a movie are fun, too. I may have to give up my single kayak, but I can be in the back seat of a double, or hitch my kayak to the one in front of me (not pretty - but it works). Most of the things I like to do can be modified in a way that I can still fully enjoy. I can accept the adjustments and not succumb to resentment or unnecessary sadness at making the change.

Lately I feel like I am making a shift in my level of acceptance. I have been focusing on my recovery program for over six months. I feel as if I have made some progress. I wish it were more, but this is where I am. If this is as far as it goes, I will live with it, accept it and make peace with it. If I gain more, that would be wonderful and I will celebrate each measure of success and improvement. It's easy to get on an emotional roller coaster - good day - happy, bad day - miserable, good day - happy again, bad day - in the pits. I have to let go of my attachment to the kind of day I will have and just take each day as the gift it is.  Life is what I make it and if I have a challenge or two to deal with, so be it.