Day 174 - Embracing My Imperfection

I love being a parent to my daughters. I love that I am close to my girls and I love watching them grow up and be happy and strong young women. We talk and share the little bits and pieces of our days and we feel connected and supportive of each other. As I watch my daughters find their place in the world, I feel proud of them and the fact that they are confident and successful, each in their own way. When I talk with them about what's going on in their lives I can hear in their voices that they are headed in the right direction. I feel so proud that they are loving and caring, honest and generous, and that they have loving relationships outside of our family that they maintain and nurture. They are perfectly imperfect.

 

I don't think it's easy to be a women in many cultures, and we have our share of difficulties here. One of the things that I keep bumping up against are the expectations of women as mothers, spouses, daughters and in the workplace. It's incredibly difficult to live up to the standards our culture expresses and expects us to reach. We're supposed to look like Hollywood, cook like a chef, mother like a saint, work like a dog and be as sexy as, well, you can imagine. How silly to think that any one woman could possibly meet all of those unrealistic standards. It can be quite overwhelming under the best of circumstances. Add a chronic condition to the mix and it all seems to becomes unattainable.

 

When I think about those perfectionist standards I could feel discouraged or disappointed in myself, or have the fear that others are disappointed in me. Instead, I am working on taking a step back and I focusing on the fact that I am putting forth my best effort. I am well-intentioned and when I make a commitment, I have every intention of following through. If I fall short, after giving my best effort, I can reflect and learn rather than beat myself up by judging myself harshly. I am spending a lot of time during this year of recovery focusing on letting myself off the hook. I have spent a good part of my life trying to please others and to live up to some imaginary standard of what it meant to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and worker. I believe in excellence, not perfection, I believe in success, but not at the expense of relationships. I believe in working toward wholeness and peace. One of the gifts of my recovery is fully embracing my imperfection and realizing that missing the mark, making mistakes and sometimes not being my best are simply a part of being human.