Some mornings when I wake up I just know it is going to be a good day. Why a good day? Who Knows. But, realizing that the fog has lifted and a good day is possible, fills me with even more energy and enthusiasm for what the day might bring. I make a quick mental note of what's on the calendar, hoping it is something worth spending my energy on. I have gotten to the point when I am having a good day to make sure I spend my energy wisely and to do things that give me pleasure and joy. I might call my hubby and suggest we go out for dinner, or my daughter to make plans to stop by. I will look around the house and tend to a neglected chore and feel good about setting things right again. On a good day I'll pick up a book and have a read, or pick up the phone to catch up with a friend. Or, I might hop in the car and head to a small shop, just to get myself out of the house and around other people. If I was working that day, I made sure to put my effort into my most pressing calls, meetings or projects to take advantage of my available energy. I headed into a good day feeling on top of the world, thankful for the gift of being upright, alert and feeling like my old self again.
From the moment I open my eyes, I can identify a bad day. I usually have either a migraine or what I call half-a-headache – that feeling that a full blown migraine is just a pill away from blossoming. On those days I start with my regular med plus my migraine med to ward off more pain. My vision is blurry, I feel weak and like I can't sit up for long without getting light headed and sick. On those days I crash on the couch with a blanket and the TV remote in my hand, mindlessly floating through my day without any energy, focus, or motivation. I just can't move, think, create, plan or accomplish a single thing of value, except to rest my body well again. Then there are the days that start okay and crash, or start not nearly so badly and get better as the day goes on. Those days are my most frequent so at least a small part of my day is mine.
I like to count the string of good days I have in a row. I never bother to count the bad ones. If I can string three or four good days, I am in heaven! When I am in the middle of a streak, I never have any idea how long it will last, so I make the most of every minute. On any given day, I know to expect that the way I feel during one part of my day may be completely different than the way I will feel later on. I can lose my energy, or gain momentum and build it. I have learned to expect that I can't always predict my ups and downs, and it's the unpredictability that challenges me most. I have learned to celebrate my good days and take the bad days in stride without focusing too much on the way I'm feeling. I am learning that my body is not betraying me when I am sent to the couch for yet another siege. It is telling me what it needs and I must listen to that message. I can ride the ups and owns like a roller coaster, choosing to know, and to count on the fact that every valley rises to yet another exciting peak.
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