I started a one-year program to increase my wellness and I really did think that after a year I would be well on my way back to my old life. I admit to getting caught up in the possibility that there were going to be huge changes and that my life as I knew it, would be returned to me as kind of a prize for doing what I was supposed to do. I have put a huge amount of effort into my recovery plan and I believe my Lady Doc has made the right decisions for me at every turn. I did my part. I showed up for every single doctor appointment, took my meds, did the IVs and the shots. I took time off from work, I rested and I watched what I ate. Each day I made a conscious choice to put wellness first. I slept when my body told me to sleep and I made sure I reduced the stressors in my life. I cut back on things that were too challenging and I looked for things to keep me motivated and inspired. I prayed, I meditated, I read, I listened to music that up lifted my spirit and got me moving and I read books that led me in the right spiritual direction. I did my best and for that, I have no regrets.
So what's the big lesson here? Well, I think it's that I have to take things just one step at a time. No projecting into the future, no looking back with frustration and regret that I didn't do one thing or another at a particular time. Today is the gift I am given and I pray that I will get a long string of tomorrows. But in terms of my recovery, I only have to consider what is happening today and at this moment because this moment is the only thing I can count on – no one is guaranteed a future, or a particular kind of future, for that matter. Lingering in the past depletes the energy I need to get through today, energized and enthusiastic. I was warned by some not to get my hopes up as I began this journey of recovery, and by others to keep the faith – that if anyone could get there, it would be me. Well, my overall progress has fallen somewhere in between those two possible realities.
It is easy to get caught up in the trap of planning on how well I am going to feel in a day, a week, or a month from now, just because I am doing what I am supposed to do. I can't explain why I am doing okay one day and the next I am flat out. I can't explain how my body knows I need sleep all day, one day, and on another, won't let me to to sleep at night. I can see that my overall health has improved and that the silent conditions that were impacting my over-all health are finally under control. I see that I still have unresolved issues that are going to take some figuring out. Each day I get to make choices that will lead me in the right direction or down a different path, that might not serve me as well. It is totally up to me. There are days when I miss the mark, I don't take my scheduled meds because I forgot to bring them along or I eat something that's good for my soul, but not my health. But the best thing about focusing on taking it one step at a time and staying in the moment is that there is another moment waiting for me when I can choose to do what's best. Another lesson learned.
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