Day 230 - There's Power in Our Shared Experience

There is power in shared experience. Tonight my hubby and I had dinner with a woman who also raised a special needs child. It was the first time I met her, my hubby knows her through his work, but it was as if we had known each other forever. Our kids went to the same wonderful school, but at different times. Part of the reason we connected is because we could so strongly relate to each other's experience and there was almost a shorthand in telling our stories because we didn't have to set the stage or create the context. We "got it". We didn't have the exact same parenting style and our families were different - she had decades long marriage and a bunch of kids and I'm divorced and remarried with two daughters and a step-daughter. She has a special needs son fifteen years older than my daughter and our lives were filled with very different experiences. What connected us was the passion we have for our kids and our dedication to holding our families together amidst the challenges of raising a special needs child.

 

Being in the same family, being from the same town or school, growing up in the same neighborhood, or sharing the same profession, interests, problems, passions or causes can create the foundation for a relationship and a sense of belonging. Having a sense of belonging is a basic human need. There is a feeling of comfort and strength when I am feeling connected. But, it's easy to let relationships fade away when I am not feeling well, because it takes effort to create and sustain meaningful relationships. It was a little bit challenging to sit through dinner tonight. After about an hour and a half I was ready to pack up my doggie bag and head home. But, the conversation kept going and I was feeling a nice connection with someone with whom I shared a lot and who had a lot to share. Having fibro can lead to lots of time alone and that alone time can translate into feeling left out instead of connected and part of what's happening. So I have to keep myself in the loop.

 

Shared experience. It's what this always comes back to. It's the way we relate to each other and a way to gain perspective on our own journey. I want to stay in touch and to relate to the people I care about - that's  what holds us together. I have only two people in my life that share my fibro experience. When we get together we spend plenty of time talking about what we're trying to do to get better, how it's working and what we need to work on next. The shared experience is powerful and I think we encourage each other and help each other to stay optimistic and hopeful. But what's even nicer is that fibro connection is only one piece of a very sweet relationship. We are more than our condition and although many of our stories start out about fibro they always seem to lead into something else that is more interesting to talk about. We can get tired of our own saga and we need to lead each other out of the fibro talk and into the other qualities we share that makes us such good friends.